a rather horrid-torrid day.

had a misunderstanding w sis. n the feeling sucks whenever we end up in such an awkward situation at home. grrrrrrrrrrrr.

i shall lift it to the Lord.

and now, another ding-dong friend of mine kind of snapped me off on msn? with the first line as 'k i am off.', and he goes offline.

10 secs later, he's online and as i asked how he feel towards his taiwan trip, he ended the conversation in an abrupt, and unfriendly manner once more.

i tell u, its a potential day for me to sin in my anger i promise. all the events that happened today were like testing my patience.

i can't concentrate the whole of today cos of the sis's incident. really. i just kept packing my room to ease the uneasiness. and half way, sit on my bed and pray, and back to packing.

i shall sleep it off now. its in ur hands Lord. "In my anger, mx, do not sin."

nights world. tmr will be a beautiful day once more. :)

today means a whole lot of things to me.

today, it marks the farewell of 6 family members from nyp unit.

today, is the beginning of a new chapter of these 6 members lives.

today, is a time when the restructuring sank it.

today, is my first experience intercessing for the poly group.

today, i had a CLC class at swensons.

today, is the day which i finally got to confirm that Cream fr TP is actually Wingshan! a primary sch junior. [I was lying on my bed one night, where the name 'wing shan' jus popped into my mind. and i was like 'HUH?' who's that. sat up, thought for the whole night. no conclusion. THEN, i finally remembered this girl in primary sch. This hongkonger by the name of wingshan. But then again, i asked; "So..? What about Wing shan?". Immediately, i recalled seeing this exact name on church's bulletin. thought through harder. and I remembered, its Cream. :) How cool can that be! confirmed with her in the lifts today, and yeah, she was very taken aback at how small the world is. wow. i am so excited. shes the 3rd person that i have found in Hope from KCS. ]

today, is a day i commit 25 people to the Lord tog with the team. not one lesser.

today, is special.

today. busk in God's faithfulness. :)

new direction. new beginning.. or rather, a new journey.

i was once again reminded of the people who chose to invest their time in me.

can i do the same for others? :) in abundance, in love.

GOD is awesome. He didnt forget me. got back my grades today. i was immediately filled w thanksgiving within my heart, cos i know for sure this is not what i deserve by my kind of preparation. and this feeling is so warm n real in my heart.

Thanks Father.

its time to experience a new level of FAITH mx. go, see it, come back, go with the rest.

1 0 0.

Give Thanks
GIVE THANKS
WITH A GRATEFUL HEART
GIVE THANKSTO THE HOLY ONE
GIVE THANKS
FOR HE'S GIVENJESUS CHRIST,
HIS SON

AND NOW LET THE WEAK SAY
I AM STRONG
LET THE POOR SAY
I AM RICH
BECAUSE OF WHAT
THE LORD HAS DONE
FOR US

GIVE THANKS...

Was initially looking thru some Christmas carols. and i didnt know this song that was fondly sung by us on monday mornings in primary school falls under carols! thinking back...its been 8-9 years since i last sang it with the music!

the same song, but kind of feels different now. when u not just understand the lyrics of the song, but you feel the heartbeat of the song. it's pretty amazing, how much perspectives can change for the same thing. :)

When A Child Is Born
A ray of hope flickers in the sky
A tiny star lights up way up high
All across the land dawns a brand new morn
This comes to pass when a child is born

A silent wish sails the seven seas
The winds of change whisper in the trees
And the walls of doubt crumble tossed and torn
This comes to pass, when a child is born

A rosy hue settles all around
You got the feel, you're on solid ground
For a spell or two no one seems forlorn
This comes to pass, when a child is born

Spoken: And all of this happens, because the world is waiting.
Waiting for one child; Black-white-yellow, no one knows...
but a child that will grow up and turn tears to laughter,
hate to love, war to peace and everyone to everyone's neighbor,
and misery and suffering will be words to be forgotten forever.

It's all a dream and illusion now,
It must come true sometime soon somehow,
All across the land dawns a brand new morn,
This comes to pass when a child is born...

ok. it's official. i must repent.

heard of anyone trying desperately to cure flu with ge gen cha (some herbal tea for blocked nose), and den one hr later, she gulps ice cream..cos she is nervous and she can't sleep?

forgive me.

feeling really diffferent today.

as compared to the many days before.

driven when u start to put God in the equation.

Beyond what u can imagine. BEYOND. waiting for great surprises this season.

many ppl touched me today.

so many. in this family of Christ, u can't help but feel so loved and supported.

its a kind of unconditional love. a silent support.

i want to spend my best yrs in this ministry for u.

n BEYOND. Guide me Abba.

sometimes, do u ever wonder, what's ur purpose in life?

such a cliche qn. but it pops by once in a while.

n each time i think of tt, i smile. perhaps not physically, but i know, within my soul, its smiling. :)

one reason.

i felt kinda distracted this wk. i somehow lost my focus, and perhaps, even feel tt others wouldnt understand why i m plunging all my time in these stuff that i m doing.

but yeah..the holy spirit reminded me of a verse in Colossians str away. the one i shared in Tim class.

live for the audience of One.

i shall be the athlete on the track. moving forward, not looking back. :)

and i pray to see my many loved ones on this journey with me. it will come to pass someday. it will. :)

i would have nv imagine this to come out from mx's mouth, ever. at least now.

*clears throat*.. my hair was PERMED.

u have no idea how much i laughed when i saw myself in the mirror. i was totally RED FROM FACE TO HANDS i tell u. i jus CAN'T STOP THE MOMENT I STARTED LAUGHING.

omg. i looked totally like..nvms

OF COS, BACK TO STRAIGHT HAIR NOW. i insisted. kill me and i ll walk out with the PERMED HAIR i tell u.

but it was indeed an experience. wow......BWAHHHH. hHAHHAsHAHAHS!!!!!!!!!

was the hair model, in other words, subject for sherry's friend's upcoming exams. had the practice session today before the exams nx wk.

so first day of exams: Wash, Blow and Dry. I like tt. so therapeutic.

2nd: Perm and Set. My nightmare is so going to revive........

BUT IT WAS REALLY AN EYE OPENER!! (ok..maybe inclusive of ...in terms of how mx can look in PERMED BLACK HAIR), abt how hair styling exams are conducted, that dyed hair can have curlier perms (THANK GOD MY DYED HAIR IS ALMOST GONE.), angle as to how to set the hair etc etc.

i'm glad i tried it. it's an experience. a FUNNY one somemore. :)

doing the games clues for CAST AWAY now. more updates soon. ;)

ytd was great. no doubt.

something hit me fr this bk at resource:

Observed duties maintain ur credits; Silent duties maintain ur life.

hmmmmmm.

i got to scoot out of the hse now! cady's waiting for me in sch.

God, u r my Jehovah Jireh. I will not be in lack. Never.

I m in abundance. :)

amen to that?

AMEN.

was over at yuhan's place ytd night. what huimei shared moved me. yes.spirit of love should first spark off from family, before it will naturally translate to others. :)

n when i reached home this morn, i realised i look at things fr a different perspective. i saw that as usual, my dad had bought breakfast. i peered over the boxes (beehoon noodles), they were indicated by our names: the top box, he wrote: xiu. so continued looking on to the 2nd and 3rd box by lifting the top box away. and he wrote on that 2 boxes: la4 (spicy in chinese).

it may not mean ANYTHING to anyone, perhaps even me before what huimei shared ytd. but this is how my dad shows his love to me. did i see it?

in fact, he bothers to label and order non-spicy food for me by observing all these yrs that i dont enjoy spicy food.

this incident touched me a lot. hmm. i don't think its silly to feel so much for this.

within a span of 10 min, i m out of hse again. to go for recce! its like so exciting!

ubinnnnnn! n i got such a great team! excellent spirited. i was so encouraged.

eilton, andrew, josie and deb. bros and sis with great attitude!

i love their attitude. it encourages me a lot. they were tougher than the environment.

the trip was special, cos i think God spoke to me a lot. it was also a time i m challenged again too.

but God encouraged me so much thru this team. i m someone who can fall into self-pity quite easily. but guess what, their company n diligence in His work kept me away fr self-pity. in fact, i was taking steps closer to motivation.

and was sharing w deb, i m not as strong as i may appear to be at times. i have my many fears too alright. ahhas.

i rem, she laughed at me for being shocked at some object on the floor, and commented i was a scaredy cat. n of cos i refute that idea! saying: "NO I'M NOT!..-pause- i'm..i'm jus a timid HUM tt's all ok." i think, sometimes, honesty is a virtue. i've realised. hais.

Hahas. also from this trip, i felt strongly abt something at a personal level. it was abt simplicity.

this word kept coming to me. clc, when talking to others, or even as i read the Word.

keep things simple for God, always.

i m impressed by the villagers ability to love what they have. the whole atmosphere of the place was, sweet. i felt v refreshed, althou i was worn out physically. and was like a monkey scratching and slapping myself due to itch.

i was soaked in the mini retreat, the homely fuzzy kampong feel. k.i.s.s.

keep it sweetly simple. one pure heart for Him. tt's all.

its an amazing feeling through n through within me.

this was on my class blog. i tell u. i m v inspired by this man. really. tho' at times i do agree that we do see him as someone wif 'high authority' (like duhhh..i know. lecturer..no..wrong. it's manager who is managing lecturers somemore), he does make an effort to come down to our level.

n i still rem last fri, when me n zhen jus approached him in request he will open up the lecture theatre for the movie event we r holding. n wow.

bloody red streaks in his eyes. a bit pale. hair a bit not say v groomed. it was clear. he was physically tired.

n at once, me n zhen felt guilt. that we still had to trouble him with a puny thing like OPENING THE DOOR OF LT.

that was fr a near view. from far, he looked as chirpy n hua-bengish as usual.

he really nurtures. it touches me.


Thursday, November 10, 2005

A Reply.
I've previously emailed Hua Beng an e-card to thank him for taking time out of his busy schedule to attend our BBQ. As followed is the full reply from him:
* * *
Dear (my classmate's name),
I am pleased to be of service and thank you for the e-card. My presence at the BBQ was, in my opinion, a hindrance to the natural exuberance ofeveryone. Some melancholic people were hovering about at the edge (or were they hovering about with dread?) [read in a poetic manner].
It is getting challenging for me to try and decipher what drives students to achieve in their lives, how to motivate students to better themselves and be someone that their future patients will be proud to have met. Its getting harder to communicate with my students as I age and develop...
I hope all of you do not "fear" me. I do not judge and brand people as it goes against my values and my education. I sense in my students nowadays that they think what I think off them will .... (finish off the sentence). I give feedback as frankly (& often in my way). My only expectation is that all of you will be honest with yourselves and try hard to change little things in yourself as you move along in the OT course and eventually in your careers. Therapists must experience significant change in themselves before they can ever hope to facilitate change in others.
ANyway, here I go again... I can gain more feedback from all of you during the Japan trip.

Hua Beng
* * *
posted by pOmpy at 9:44 PM

it's night again.

or should i say..morning? :)

it's been like this since exams ended. i have an overwhelming pool of tots tt runs thru my mind during quiet times like this.

i will peer out of the window..look at all the buildings out of my room..the empty road...the mobil ppl.

n many tots will jus come.

how shall i start. i dunno. -smiles sheepishly-

reflecting on my close-to-one-yr walk with the nyp grp, i m overwhelmed.

in fact, to be accurate, i was v touched. i dunno why, but yeah..i guess 'touched' is a very apt word to use.

i can't believe it's almost a yr. n the numerous things tt happened thruout the yr.

some gd, some not so gd.

n i got pretty overwhelmed. to the extent tt i tot my eyes were hot n wet. till now?

i repented. for the many doings tt i may hv done which hurts others. my attitude, my pride, everything.

i dunno how many ppl's toes have i stepped on. i m sorry.

n i really see God working in changing my perspectives in this yr. its being an amazing journey w Him. i do treasure it so much you know.

arhh. i dunno how to describe tt feeling. but, i m feeling all so..ARGHHH.

i dun like it when i m being so emotional. i dun like it when i m not in control of my feeeeelings.

but God really sustained me. He taught me so much. many lessons tt i will really bear in mind. i cant give enough thanks for that fateful day in Sep 2004 at nyp carpark, when i was challenged to move on. n serve in a totally different n foreign student ministry.

at tt point in time, i HATE tt idea. i DON'T want to budge. i refuse to. n tt's all in my heart.

tho' outwardly, i obeyed. n yup. agreed to move.

dun ask me why those intense feelings of unwillingness. i hav no idea y. but the idea of leaving frens whom u have started ur spiritual journey w, an environment which u were pruned..to somewhere where u dun even know a pea..

put it simply: the feeling sucks. or rather, beyond sucks.

that was slightly more than a yr back.

n came the month where i met my new family. dec. at TOUCH community.

what deb said ytd caught me. "hey this fri's prayer meet at TOUCH. where we had our chu ci jian mian.(first meetup)..hehs"

its coming a yr. n i was reminded once again of what i responded during the student seminar then. abt my spiritual walk at the end of 2005.

:)

God is real. HE is. i don't wish to explain further at this pt in time how..but HE just is, in every single situation tt happened in my life for the past yr.

n i realised, HE doesn't need to explain Himself for every circumstance tt He planted in ur life. cos the circumstances will explain His presence to you..in its time. yup. tt's wad i truly learn.

many ppl i wan to thank for bearing me in love.

my shep: huimei. i can't even count the number of times i hav bite u, or the amount of rubbishh i give u. i can't count em. it's so much. but u've been so patient.. so patiently in picking these rubbish up one by one for me. u bore me in unconditional love. i love u.

sheep: deb. we hav rubbed shoulders a gazillion times...but yet, u r stil so dear to me. i dunno how to express these thru words (YOU KNOW IT.), but i'm sure u know my language of love to u. i've learn a lot fr u.. n i know i will stil continue to learn more. i'm assured of tt. i love u.

sheep: yuhan. as i've shared, i nv imagined i ll cross paths w u. nv. but God is cute, He gives loads of surprises. n u've been a pleasant one. talking w u gives me a new perspective of issues. like u ve shared, we will bring this r/s to a deeper level. :) let's share life. n yes, tho' i dun know u for long, u r v dear to me as well..n i mean tt. i love u.

the list goes on. u guys know who u r. thanks for ur Investment in my life.

was doing cg report.

when i suddenly find myself laughing at the lyrics of this song...HAHAS! schizo.

but it was actually the piano piece before the bridge/chorus part that caught my attention first..its super cooooollll.

and then i listened again for the lyrics.

hahahaas! its such a fun song.. i love corrinneeemayyyyyyyy..woohooo!

i think my sis n i r so similar in this area: we will nt get tired of something v easily.

evident fr her MILLION TIMES of watching the SAME VCD, n of cos...i m down with 'not-get-tired-of-corrinnemay's-songs-syndrome'. hurhur.

I F I K I S S E D Y O U
Written by Corrinne May Ying Foo
Copyright 2001, Corrmay Gourmet Music (ASCAP)

If I kissed you
Would fireworks fly
Would angels sing with lollipops
Would dinosaurs cry
Would babies all gurgle
in laughter and surprise
If I kissed you.

If I kissed you
What would Michaelangelo say
Would he still have sculpted David
Would we be immortalized in clay
Would the poets write of love like ours
Would John Donne have his say
If I kissed you

You could be one in a million
You could be the one for me
But l guess I'll never know
if I never try
I guess I'll just have to grab you in my arms
and kiss you.

If I kissed you
Would you lose track of time
Would you feel a surge of happiness
Running up your spine
Would you run naked in the street
with a tattoo of my name on your behind
If I kissed you.

Oh, if I kissed you
Yeah, if I kissed you.

i don't know why. but i can't sleep.

earlier on, i was so tired after training tt the first thing i did after i reached home, was to lie flat on the floor in my room. i simply can't move.

tiring, but i had a great time sweating it ALL out. woo. i love TT. a special game. endurance, focus n most imptly, patience. n after i showered, i just can't wait to rest.

now i m sitting here. and i CAN'T SLEEP?! i was jolted awake. for no reason. goodness.

natural instinct. walk to the kitchen n find food.

and something jus pop into my mind, this phrase: x'mas countdown.

i was like: HUH? mx. r u nuts? thinking abt x'mas countdown at 0514 hrs. u must be mad. really.

but i decided to msg deb on friendster for this. n den, i understood what 'x'mas countdown' meant to me.

i know it seems strange tt i dun even know whats the interpretation of the words tt pops out in my head! but hey, it has happened a gazillion times to me. nothing new.

as i typed on for deb's msg, i realised what i meant by x'mas countdown. its not those "5, 4, 3, 2, 1...MERRY X'MAS!!" kind of countdown effect on 24dec every yr.

no no.

it was a mental COUNTDOWN of how many weeks r there left to x'mas.

6+ weeks. tt's...fast.

n i thought to myself: ready for it?

-pause-

"Let's GO!"

its not some mini mental drama within me..HAHAS. but i dunno. i jus sense it strongly within me.

perhaps its a 0514hr syndrome. but nonetheless, it was a good reminder!

YES, LET'S GO!

this yr, x'mas smells different. (i smell new wool. hmmmmm..baaaaahhh....Hahahas!)

yes. it will be different! without a shadow of doubt.

Grip my heart dear Lord. "Open" my heart, "Pour" in burden n love, "SHAKE" it hard!, "Close" w vision n victory!

our all time fav of O.P.S.C.

x'mas..eh..

i jus realised. no. i should spell CHRISTmas.

yup! its all abt Him. no short cuts!

prepare me Dad. help me to focus on one finishing pt.

CHRISTmas is all about You, and of cos.."you"s. every single one of us matters to Him.

so...mx, LET'S GO!!

wow. i m still up. i cant believe it.

i was GROSSLY tired physically in the morning. i reckon i slept more during exam period than this.

but its a really gd feeling, to be awake, n serving Him. i think what i've learnt ytd made a lot sense to me today.

some words just simply jump out to me ytd. very very much. some were slaps in my face..literally shouting to me that i really need to humble myself. u r FAR fr there mx.

CLC2 spoke to me a lot. sam and nel took turns to teach. it was a very vivid clc class. really. cos i tot it really spoke to me in a very personal manner.

some words were the exact ones i tot thru on fri night. thoughts that i can't seem to figure out a right answer..thoughts there were confusing..

Assumptions..Expectations..What makes a great leader? Living for people's approval? Hard work...Lead by example..

perhaps, by nature, i m someone with not much of affect. i don't express my emotions as easily..but without a doubt, i was deeply moved by the sharing in clc. cos it inspired me at a very very..very very personal manner within.

n i think no amount of 'very's can do enough justice to how much the lesson spoke to me.

to minister, is to serve. to play on God's team means serving people before self.

to Love Him, is to love others. its a very simple concept!

just finished chatting w ant online. the entire conversation was like WOW. first time we r talking abt God's business.

i find it hard to convey serious messages to him. ever since JC. it was almost mission impossible.

n a while ago, he msged me. and tt my nick made a lot of sense to him.


..::F o c u s ::.. says:
yeah can say so
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
hols fr tmr onwards
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
3 wks before i go for clinicals
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
haha so good
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
enjoy lar
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
hmmm ur nick is quite true manz
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
hahas
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
why?
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
ur nick is MEssy
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
AHAHAH

and the conversation got on a bit more..and eventually he shared this..


Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
hahhaa
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
haha i tink i say liaoz will sound very strange 2 u ahahha
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
why?
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
hahaha cos i tink it will be funny lar
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
no lar...i tink these few months or even the past year since in UK, i tink i started 2 worry a lot n alot more than usual
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
and i hate it manz

and the sharing continued. n it went on to..

..::F o c u s ::.. says:
changes r good la
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
no change no growth ma
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
yeah w/o change there will be no growth rite
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
YA
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
AHAHas
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
ahahaha...same thing!
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
amen
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
maybe God wan change me lar
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
i tink instead of hating it...i shld learn 2 accept it?
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
yeps, n not jus accepting..but embrace it
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
can one la
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
small case
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
u have seen bigger things before isnt it
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
hahaas
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
it jus that its a v foreign feeling
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
no leh....tis one of the 1st time i like tis
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
n u dislike it.
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
yea yea!
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
its like, my emotional skills sux one lar
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
HAHA
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
yeah....but i duno how 2 embrace it
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
HAHA true wat
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i think it tks time ba..
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
ask God what is He trying to speak in these circumstances
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
its like....i tink 2 myself, "I worry much more now. I accept it"
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
But when i worry, I duno how 2 deal with it
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
hmmm true

and to this..

..::F o c u s ::.. says:
actually i always see u as someone who has a v smooth sailing life
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
someone who is v contented
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
in JC
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
yea i was very
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i tot that was good
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
really...i was happy n myself lar
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
HAHAHS
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
yeah but duno y now like that
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
u noe wat is so strange??!?!
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
n i yearned for tt sometimes also
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
Hmm?
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
wad?
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
cos in JC, I never reallie was a serious Christian, a carnal one....just say prayer here and there and just live life unaffected
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
then i was happy manz
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
but when I really started become a 'real' Christian
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
then things are not as 'good' as b4 lehz....
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
isn't it supposed 2 be better? i mean after u really commit urself
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
haha just a thot lar
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
HAhas.
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
yea i tink i wan 2 be like the JC days
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
really happy haha
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i have tot that tot many many zillion times in JC
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
isit
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
really
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
haha
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
then?
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
really
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
ask shera
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
if u know me
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
my past n everything
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i was v disappointed w God many times in JC
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
very
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
cos i tot He failed me a lot of times
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i was doing so so well when i was a Non-believer
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i excelled in everything i do
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
without even putting much effort
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
isit....haha, then now u found the answer>
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
in every single thing
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
froms studies to CCAs
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i felt so 'glorified'
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
but after knowing Him
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i faced so much struggles that i was doubting Him
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
yea y ar....
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i was thinking its complete madness
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
i tink God's happiness is different from our happiness
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
knowing Him is going thru such struggles?
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
yeahh..
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
but strangely
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
God really sustains me..
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
as i look back now
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i know God was moulding me
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
n pruning me.
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
if not for the hard times, will i be resilient at all?
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i really doubt so.
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
true....hai ll
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
kk
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
smooth seas dont make skilful sailors
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
HAHAHS
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
yea i tink He is froming me into wat He wans me 2 be lar
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
amen
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
kk thks alot k
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
pass the test
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
haha pray for me
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
sure :)

i was surprised. pleasantly surprised too. that its anthony, without a doubt! i felt that wow. it was a conversation impossible 2 yrs ago.

but hey. God is an amazing and humourous God. He changes people. :)

i m so assured of God's plans for you Ant. keep going. :)

right now, i m overwhelmed by thanksgiving within my heart! i thank Him for this great family. really.

its such an ironic, but deep love.

wow. i am CONSUMED.

today is a special day. where different people touched my heart in their special manner.

xuan called fr brisbane! to update and also to wish me a reaaaaaaaalllll belated birthday wish. nonetheless, that was thoughtful bro. although my heart was bleeding when YOU CALLED MY HANDPHONE, i appreciated it sooooooooo much for ur effort! u will be in time for kopitiam xmas! ;)

n deb. its such warmth to know that i m running this race w u. keep going. :)

and as i slumped onto bed just now to read my book..one of cm's songs caught my attention tonight. and it jus speaks exactly how i feeel towards these bunch of peeps.

my angels in disguise indeed. :) i m blessed.


A N G E L I N D I S G U I S E
Written by Corrinne May Ying Foo
Copyright 2003, Corrmay Gourmet Music (ASCAP)

I woke up this morning feeling kind of blue
and I stumbled out of bed and dragged my feet across the room
Right outside my front door was a rose and a note that said
'Somebody Loves You'

But out on the street it starts to pour and
before I get soaking wet,
A total stranger runs to give me the jacket off his back
I turn around to thank him
But he waves me with a smile

I can hardly believe my eyes
He puts on a halo and starts to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look at Paradise
You could be next to an angel in disguise

I met a good friend for lunch
and we had a delicious meal
But I forgot to bring my wallet
I felt like an imbecile
But she was sweet, she gave me a treat
and Bought me a chicken sandwich
To take home for tea

But out on the street with nothing to eat
A man and his shopping cart go
Travelling to places,Collecting social graces
I give him my sandwich and we chatter for a while
I see a rainbow wash over his eyes
He gives me his halo and I start to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for Paradise
You could be next to an angel in disguise

Don't try to hide away from me
I know you're by my side

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for Paradise
You could be next to an angel in disguise

Everyday can be legendary
Every minute, an endless surprise
You could be the next angel in disguise

I woke up this morning
Feeling kind of new...

back. :o) after a somewhat looooooooong n exhausted week..i m finally done w exams. yes!
as the clock turned eleven at the exam hall, after the mic-sounding voice said "pens down.", i felt INMMENSE n INTENSE relief. i hav no reason why i felt tt way this time round. really. it was relief n simple joy after finishing w exams. i m jus so glad to have conquered this really mentally torturous week, by the grace and strength of Him.

i can't imagine myself walking thru this sem's exams without Him w me. many times in this round of exams, i felt surges of wanting to just give up revising, simply for the fact tt it seems to me tt theres no human way to finish revising each module. NO WAY. for cute papers tt have two modules...or even THREE in a single paper. i jus think lecturers r so smart in 'disillusionment', stating on the exam timetable tt we r sitting for only 4 papers..whilst in actual fact, there r avg of 3 modules to be revised for ONE paper. .i can't praise them enough for their 'brilliant cover-up' of the zillion modules we r taking actually.

many times..i just saw so MANY reasons to give up. to just sleep off the stress. but i m indeed thankful tt He sustains. i was reminded of Jesus's character. He nv gives up. He is persistent in the things He was given stewardship over. instead of praying for problems to be eliminated, i've learnt to pray for STRENGTH and wisdom to overcome these challenges.

felt so supported by Him thruout this exams that each time after prayer, i m totally refreshed n renewed in spirit. Altho' my physical body is weak, my mind was rejuvenated many many times.

i felt so loved. i felt so blessed. :)

special special mention of a v v special lady in my life. tt i grew to appreciate so much during this exam period.

none other than...cai ma ma. aka my mum. :)

i felt her love. no words needed. actions were evident. she took really good care of me.

she's my welfare officer for the past one week. brewing liang teh for me n making sure i drink at least the whole tubbbb...

she's my thermostat..checking on the temperature of the room to make sure i ll not catch a cold..

my alarm clock...promptly waking me up for exams.

my pom-pom cheerleader!! rem a special incident on thurs night which she just came to my room, asked me to bring in all the notes and go to her room and 'study' with her, while she watch her silent tv. hahahs. her presence..jus simply presence..supported me.

my window closer. for the many nights tt it rained, she checked upon my windows w the slightest disruption to my sleep as possible.

i love u cai ma ma, for loving a person so unworthy to be loved during exams. who's irritable..who's pms-ing...who's stubborn..who's stress level has made her black face turned white.

i love u God. for loving a person so unworthy of ur love, not just only exams period, but.. anytime..anywhere.

n for this simple fact, i know its impossible..not..to stubbornly love u. :)