today's the third day of christmas. :)

was watching grey's anatomy just now. a fantastic show. i am really attracted to the show. i dunno why.

it managed to capture my attention for the full length of the show. usually, i will be really fidgety by midlength of the show? but the story managed to keep me on.

about a bunch of interns. who were having their internship at SGH..hahahhahaha! wellwell, not singapore general hospital, but seattle grace hospital.

perhaps its cos i am having attachment now, tts why i feel exceptionally like this show speaks to me. hahas! the hospital scenes, the supervisor scene, the canteen scene, the books scene, the friends scene, the patients scene..but i think just that i dont have the operating table scene. (thank GOD very much for that!) hahahhas.

i really admire the doctors in this show. their commitment. their ability to handle stress. performing under stress. and yet, not forgetting fun and some humour as well. :)

the key person which attracted me is of cos, none other than meredith.

a few lines which she shared captured my heart.

things like..something like tt.."i cannot think of a hundred ways why i want to be a doctor, but i can think of a thousand ways why i want to quit."

and she still hung on. :)

i think the key is about PASSION. passion drives. passion stirs ur heart. passion boils ur blood.

when she shared that, it really struck me. cos i was just thinking about the issue of being a Christ follower as well. i was just thinking back of the one yr ive spent in the poly ministry. last christmas to this yr's.

and i was just reading the card deb gave me this morn. she wrote along the borders, something like : Member, cg mate, shep, leader..

i was thinking. hey, i din realised that. but yeah, its a process of my spiritual growth for the past one yr. thank God for Deb who reminded me with the card.

really. sometimes, its just so hard to state down a hundred reasons why i am still serving Him, or even leading a flock for Him, with the amount of rejections, misunderstandings, commitment, tears, sweat, time, energy..everything.

and for the above same reasons, its so simple to come up with a thousand reasons (or should i say excuses..haha) why i should quit.

but, as i ponder, i realised, whoever told u the statement which has the higher number of reasons wins? :)

i only need One reason, of credibility and Truth, to make me retain this commitment for Him. and of cos, the reason is Jesus.

not saying these cos its christmas tho.

i find it hard, or perhaps even impossible, for those who truly experience Jesus, to want to leave Him and forsake Him. no way.

this is my 4th "Christ"mas. Christmas with Christ in it. :) amazing journey.

was not a bed of roses. had doubts. carnal nature. driven by the world many times.

but i thank Him for not giving up on me. for the many times, He pruned me and showed His grace upon me.

and also for the many people who did not give up on me as well, who really poured out their life for me. thanks.

for this Christmas thanksgiving, it was important for me to realise, that i am here, because someone had the faith, that i will come to know Jesus one day, no matter how impossible it may seem in human understanding.

and i thank God for their Faith.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see..."- Hebrews 11:1

sometimes, i try to imagine my life now without Jesus. rewinding my days back to 21 July 2002. And starting again from there to now.. 27 Dec 2005.

Hmm..

i will still be someone who is very driven by achievements, someone who is easily stressed out, someone who is ever self-centred, someone who cannot be bothered to talk to people whenever she is tired. someone who complains. someone who will never think of doing beyond what's required, someone contented with life. someone who aims to work in an occupation which pays superbly well. or maybe, someone who is happily hitched with some guy now. Hahahhahahahhas!

perhaps, no one can really identify the amount of grace poured in me except myself. I am not a saint now. definitely not. i m still full of flaws, falling short of a lot of standards.

but the love of God really compells me, to follow Jesus's example, to people He met.

When u seek Him with all your mind, soul, heart and strength, its amazing how He can work through u. Often, i do stupid things that i feel like i am the most foolish person on earth, or by human standards, but time and time again, He carried me through in circumstances where His grace comforts me and strengthens me. Beyond my understanding. His protection upon me is always there. when i am desperate for help, He sents people who helps me just in the way i need. whenever i find it impossible to finish a task, He provides me with strength, resources and even the right people to carry me thru. many many other testimonies.

Really. Jesus. You ve showed me the reason to live.

not joking. i am still up. :)
dont know why. i think its mainly due to the fact that christmas is here. feeling a little excited. geees.

there will be a mini celebration at the rehab centre tmr. ceyu weiting me and irene performing an item..hahahhahahhas! disney medlies! dots right.

but i think there's effort there! so i think the patients will be entertained by us! hahahhahs (i will definitely pray so..hahha)

currently, praying for courage over certain areas in my life.

help me overcome them by ur strength o Lord. :)

oooo and our dear Maple Queen made my names using MAple stuff!!! o, like duh. hahahha
but dunno wht now cannot load on here. tmr!

and i finally managed to get a song going here! but it takes yrs to d/l!

sent by yuhan to me. love this song.

simple, yet so ministering.

and with kids singing it. that makes it even sweeter. :)

took ten min just now jus to purely listen to it again and again, sing along, and let the lyrics stir within me.

"With Your hand in mine, I'll walk where You'll lead me...." i exceptionally love this line..

off to rest. nights world.

;)

Provervs 3:5 (NIV)- Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding....

its really rare for me to be online at this hour when there is clinicals the nx day.

2.04 AM.

i hear christmas. i smell christmas. i taste christmas. i feel christmas. i see christmas. i love christmas.

althou this time round, i am really pressed for time. no christmas gifts shopping as yet, nevertheless, i am feeling all excited.

and altho orchard road seems a little quieter this year, it seemed to me a much more meaningful one as well.

the activities really bring out the Essence of Christmas. what Christmas is all about. :)

went narnia carnival w pris ytd! eh honestly, the size of the carnival was a little disappointing. however, saw a few familiar faces who are volunteers! like uncle desmond, joanne and some others who were singing on stage!

went into the wardrobe. it really triggered me to want to catch the movie. went borders today. saw the narnia bk. i had no idea narnia was written so long ago!

oh wells. ignorance. i know.

i am certainly looking forward to everything! there will be carolthon on wed, ttsh rehab mini therapist cum patient party! the 2 services on fri night and sat! the visitation of Hongkong cafe aft svc on sat! and stay over at ECP! wooohooo!

tho i am tired physically at times, i thank the Lord for His providence and strength for each new day. :)

was lookin at the outdoor photo exhibition outside borders today whilst waiting for liyan to come. the pictures were beautiful. each picture had its story to tell.

the theme was "Earth from above", where all the photos were taken from the helicoptor.

splendid views.

but among so many, the last one struck me the most. the picture showed Lake Logipi, Suguta Valley in Kenya. in the description, it mentioned about greater flamingos.

and i tried searching for them in the photo. little did i realised, the tiny spots around the lake were the flamingos themselves! THERE WERE SO MANY!!!

but something struck in my heart immediately. something about there are so many of us out there, so so many. each one of us may appear more or less the same, in terms of physical aspects, or even life stage. YET, He knows each and every one of us by name. He knows each one of us as an unique individual....i m thoroughly amazed.

www.yannarthusbertrand.org. By Yann Arthus Bertrand- "Earth From Above".

ok..before i leave, hope this clip entertains many!!
http://www.syfc.org.sg/christmas05/hokkien.htm

nights world. :)

i know its a little..dusty right here. hahahs! time to do something about it huh. hahahas

well. i dont know why. physically i am just so drained day everyday.

but guess what? i am feeling so excited within me during this season.

this excitement and joy i cant contain within me. wow.

i m someone who is not really very capable of expressing my emotions, my thoughts, my feelings very well outwardly, u can be sure of that.

i really love this season. i really love christmas periods.

its a very fuzzy feeling. a very meaningful period.

and here to YOU! hahhahahas!

i always give thanks to the Lord for u. always.

and even though u made urself v clear each time, i m still busked in hope, faith and excitement for u. i dont know why. :)

we'll see. no matter how long it may take. we'll see.

;)

reality finally set in today.

i felt the tweeny weeny bit of me saying 'o Lord, i simply don't have enough time to do Your Work! u will understand my situation, isn't it??'

and the next moment, the Holy Spirit stirred within me a really uneasy feeling.

What a really bad EXCUSE u've got, mx.

Indeed, its of no new news that clinicals can almost drive u to a max point of madness most of the times, leaving u with a life thats wake up, clinicals, either back to school library to look up journals, if not, back home at night to plan ur treatment plans for ur patients (which is wee hrs by then), sleep (or should i say just simply lying down..). and then, up u go again, wake up, clinicals......the vicious cycle goes on.

and it will go on n on for the next one month.

supposedly.

but somehow, within me, i felt a nudge of challenge.

a challenge to break out of this vicious cycle of routine. and for the past 2 days, i m really being thrown into such challenges.

i could hardly move my brain at 5.30pm sharp, where i have to attend resource meeting on mon night and led CG ytd night.

but guess what? The Lord really refreshes when you realign ur life with Him as the centre. :)

negativity do seep in at times. they try to steal my joy, my excitement, my rest in Him from me. it plants disappointments and fears in me as well.

BUT, i am STRUCK BUT NOT DOWN. amen?

i will thrive! by His grace, i will truly enjoy this season, of clinicals, and of course, this magnificent harvest!

17"Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men."- Mark 1:17

i can see the long journey ahead.

i can imagine the fatigue.

w many responsibilities, Lord, help me not to compromise ur work, ur burden.

By ur grace, i shall lift Your Name even higher.

For when i am weak, you are strong.

amen.

will be off for clinicals tmr!

woooo..mixed feelings. i m all excited, but on the other hand, i m feeling jittery about it.
its a different kind of attachment from the previous two. this time round, i have my own clients/patients. to perform assessments competently, and to come up with treatment plans. its sooooooooo into it. please pray hard ppl. that the lives in my hands...will stay remain very much alive after my therapy. hahahhahas!

posted to tan tock seng rehab centre. i guess no one can kind of identify with the tiny smile within my heart. cos God is good. :) during the period when the sch was searching for placement centres for us, i never stop praying for a centre that's near to school and ministry house to cut down on travelling time during this season. this season is important, and distance really matters a lot to me.. i did not want distance and time to be factors of me not being able to be physically there for ministry!

So..3 cheers to God's faithfulness!! He always answer our prayers when our motives are aligned according to His will. he gave me a placement tt's almost within walking distance to school..and a mrt stop away from min house! How blessed can i be!

Give thanks!

and i want to give thanks to peeps like pris, jo, shu and the rest who remembered and encouraged me before i go for my clinicals tmr. wow..thanks for remembering it, even tho attachment is like a small issue but u guys remembered. i m touched. :)

and also, i want to give thanks..to my great team in nyp4. ever-ready armour bearers. really. lets keep going together. i m all charged up to see breakthroughs in each of our lives.

i want to give thanks! for the ministry i m serving in- Hope Resource! in fact, i think i have failed to give thanks for it since the day i served there! how could i. through serving in that ministry, i find joy in listening to the praise and worship, browsing thru the books for freeeee (hahahha!) and even greater joy in serving others. will be working with shuyi for the publicity and deco for upcoming annual appreciation night. And i m thankful that even through Resource, i am always given opportunities to extend my interest and perhaps, gifting of worksmanship. thanks to all who create opportunities for me to grow.

and also, m ever thankful for friends in all aspects of my life. poncard khakis- tho we dont get to spend much time tog, but really, u guys made sch very much bearable and alive for me! thanks. :). huimei, my shep and all leaders who have poured out all for our growth.

so much more. like xuan, thanks for the constant encouragement and little blessings tho' we r serving in different units. a great bud in Christ, together with sher and the rest. u guys light up my life ever since i came to know Him. :)

and even ex shep junting! who remembered me even tho she's in aust. passed me a shirt thru jason who was in melbourne for his short study trip. i always give thanks for her life. she really invested her all in me. thanks shep.

i think the thanksgiving spirit was spark off by watching star awards earlier on! hahas. funnily, but yes, the Holy Spirit gently reminded me, :have i gave thanks for everything that He has given me, by grace, so far?

the thanksgiving in my heart will keep on keeping on. yes. it will keep on keeping on.

i want to give thanks every single second, day or night, good or bad.

i want to give thanks to u Lord. for You are good.

Praise the LORD.
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
- Psalms 106

should be off to rest in a moment. had a long day, but was a really fruitful one.

i declare today 'Meet-the-sheep Day', as i met yuhan in the morn at novena before we walked to tan tock seng, and then hannah at her workplace in mos in the evening, and finally deb at night, where we walked around Bugis street. :)

3 different people, 3 different personalities. with me, that makes it 4.

but the cool thing is...., we are serving with 1 vision for 1 purpose.

and thats what makes 1 team. :)

just read Pastor Ben's Blog entries. something hit me.

He travels so often, just like many businessmen and air stewardess, or even avid travellers.

but the difference?

He's on trips to support and encourage overseas missions team!!

and as others count money on business trips, he counts sheep. :)

that's what life's about. it's about lives.

am now in e-plaza.

was the last place that i will imagine seeing u know....

chipmunk.

hahas.

oh wells. did my best to sit at a not-so-obvious side seat.

but still, was discovered, cos shu-jun n elain came over and said hi!

and soon, he got his way to my table too.

think he was dealing with some after-japan trip debrief with the students.

just read a passage. i want to remember it. so i ll put it here.

Deuteronomy 11
Love and Obey the LORD

1 Love the LORD your God and keep his requirements, his decrees, his laws and his commands always. 2 Remember today that your children were not the ones who saw and experienced the discipline of the LORD your God: his majesty, his mighty hand, his outstretched arm; 3 the signs he performed and the things he did in the heart of Egypt, both to Pharaoh king of Egypt and to his whole country; 4 what he did to the Egyptian army, to its horses and chariots, how he overwhelmed them with the waters of the Red Sea [a] as they were pursuing you, and how the LORD brought lasting ruin on them. 5 It was not your children who saw what he did for you in the desert until you arrived at this place, 6 and what he did to Dathan and Abiram, sons of Eliab the Reubenite, when the earth opened its mouth right in the middle of all Israel and swallowed them up with their households, their tents and every living thing that belonged to them. 7 But it was your own eyes that saw all these great things the LORD has done.

8 Observe therefore all the commands I am giving you today, so that you may have the strength to go in and take over the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, 9 and so that you may live long in the land that the LORD swore to your forefathers to give to them and their descendants, a land flowing with milk and honey. 10 The land you are entering to take over is not like the land of Egypt, from which you have come, where you planted your seed and irrigated it by foot as in a vegetable garden. 11 But the land you are crossing the Jordan to take possession of is a land of mountains and valleys that drinks rain from heaven. 12 It is a land the LORD your God cares for; the eyes of the LORD your God are continually on it from the beginning of the year to its end.

13 So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today—to love the LORD your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul- 14 then I will send rain on your land in its season, both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and oil. 15 I will provide grass in the fields for your cattle, and you will eat and be satisfied.
16 Be careful, or you will be enticed to turn away and worship other gods and bow down to them. 17 Then the LORD's anger will burn against you, and he will shut the heavens so that it will not rain and the ground will yield no produce, and you will soon perish from the good land the LORD is giving you. 18 Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 19 Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 20 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, 21 so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the LORD swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.

22 If you carefully observe all these commands I am giving you to follow—to love the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways and to hold fast to him- 23 then the LORD will drive out all these nations before you, and you will dispossess nations larger and stronger than you. 24 Every place where you set your foot will be yours : Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the Euphrates River to the western sea. [b] 25 No man will be able to stand against you. The LORD your God, as he promised you, will put the terror and fear of you on the whole land, wherever you go.

26 See, I am setting before you today a blessing and a curse- 27 the blessing if you obey the commands of the LORD your God that I am giving you today; 28 the curse if you disobey the commands of the LORD your God and turn from the way that I command you today by following other gods, which you have not known. 29 When the LORD your God has brought you into the land you are entering to possess, you are to proclaim on Mount Gerizim the blessings, and on Mount Ebal the curses. 30 As you know, these mountains are across the Jordan, west of the road, [c] toward the setting sun, near the great trees of Moreh, in the territory of those Canaanites living in the Arabah in the vicinity of Gilgal. 31 You are about to cross the Jordan to enter and take possession of the land the LORD your God is giving you. When you have taken it over and are living there, 32 be sure that you obey all the decrees and laws I am setting before you today.

HE's the Alpha and Omega.

listening to Hillsong Kids Worship- Trust in the Lord.

Yuhan just sent it to me. a simple song. yet so so powerful.

the lyrics stirred a lot within me.

"Trust, trust in the Lord, and lean not on your own understanding.."

i love Jesus. Cos He always works in special ways.

wow. its going to be an exciting season ahead. i'm sure of it. i can smell it already.

:)

a rather horrid-torrid day.

had a misunderstanding w sis. n the feeling sucks whenever we end up in such an awkward situation at home. grrrrrrrrrrrr.

i shall lift it to the Lord.

and now, another ding-dong friend of mine kind of snapped me off on msn? with the first line as 'k i am off.', and he goes offline.

10 secs later, he's online and as i asked how he feel towards his taiwan trip, he ended the conversation in an abrupt, and unfriendly manner once more.

i tell u, its a potential day for me to sin in my anger i promise. all the events that happened today were like testing my patience.

i can't concentrate the whole of today cos of the sis's incident. really. i just kept packing my room to ease the uneasiness. and half way, sit on my bed and pray, and back to packing.

i shall sleep it off now. its in ur hands Lord. "In my anger, mx, do not sin."

nights world. tmr will be a beautiful day once more. :)

today means a whole lot of things to me.

today, it marks the farewell of 6 family members from nyp unit.

today, is the beginning of a new chapter of these 6 members lives.

today, is a time when the restructuring sank it.

today, is my first experience intercessing for the poly group.

today, i had a CLC class at swensons.

today, is the day which i finally got to confirm that Cream fr TP is actually Wingshan! a primary sch junior. [I was lying on my bed one night, where the name 'wing shan' jus popped into my mind. and i was like 'HUH?' who's that. sat up, thought for the whole night. no conclusion. THEN, i finally remembered this girl in primary sch. This hongkonger by the name of wingshan. But then again, i asked; "So..? What about Wing shan?". Immediately, i recalled seeing this exact name on church's bulletin. thought through harder. and I remembered, its Cream. :) How cool can that be! confirmed with her in the lifts today, and yeah, she was very taken aback at how small the world is. wow. i am so excited. shes the 3rd person that i have found in Hope from KCS. ]

today, is a day i commit 25 people to the Lord tog with the team. not one lesser.

today, is special.

today. busk in God's faithfulness. :)

new direction. new beginning.. or rather, a new journey.

i was once again reminded of the people who chose to invest their time in me.

can i do the same for others? :) in abundance, in love.

GOD is awesome. He didnt forget me. got back my grades today. i was immediately filled w thanksgiving within my heart, cos i know for sure this is not what i deserve by my kind of preparation. and this feeling is so warm n real in my heart.

Thanks Father.

its time to experience a new level of FAITH mx. go, see it, come back, go with the rest.

1 0 0.

Give Thanks
GIVE THANKS
WITH A GRATEFUL HEART
GIVE THANKSTO THE HOLY ONE
GIVE THANKS
FOR HE'S GIVENJESUS CHRIST,
HIS SON

AND NOW LET THE WEAK SAY
I AM STRONG
LET THE POOR SAY
I AM RICH
BECAUSE OF WHAT
THE LORD HAS DONE
FOR US

GIVE THANKS...

Was initially looking thru some Christmas carols. and i didnt know this song that was fondly sung by us on monday mornings in primary school falls under carols! thinking back...its been 8-9 years since i last sang it with the music!

the same song, but kind of feels different now. when u not just understand the lyrics of the song, but you feel the heartbeat of the song. it's pretty amazing, how much perspectives can change for the same thing. :)

When A Child Is Born
A ray of hope flickers in the sky
A tiny star lights up way up high
All across the land dawns a brand new morn
This comes to pass when a child is born

A silent wish sails the seven seas
The winds of change whisper in the trees
And the walls of doubt crumble tossed and torn
This comes to pass, when a child is born

A rosy hue settles all around
You got the feel, you're on solid ground
For a spell or two no one seems forlorn
This comes to pass, when a child is born

Spoken: And all of this happens, because the world is waiting.
Waiting for one child; Black-white-yellow, no one knows...
but a child that will grow up and turn tears to laughter,
hate to love, war to peace and everyone to everyone's neighbor,
and misery and suffering will be words to be forgotten forever.

It's all a dream and illusion now,
It must come true sometime soon somehow,
All across the land dawns a brand new morn,
This comes to pass when a child is born...

ok. it's official. i must repent.

heard of anyone trying desperately to cure flu with ge gen cha (some herbal tea for blocked nose), and den one hr later, she gulps ice cream..cos she is nervous and she can't sleep?

forgive me.

feeling really diffferent today.

as compared to the many days before.

driven when u start to put God in the equation.

Beyond what u can imagine. BEYOND. waiting for great surprises this season.

many ppl touched me today.

so many. in this family of Christ, u can't help but feel so loved and supported.

its a kind of unconditional love. a silent support.

i want to spend my best yrs in this ministry for u.

n BEYOND. Guide me Abba.

sometimes, do u ever wonder, what's ur purpose in life?

such a cliche qn. but it pops by once in a while.

n each time i think of tt, i smile. perhaps not physically, but i know, within my soul, its smiling. :)

one reason.

i felt kinda distracted this wk. i somehow lost my focus, and perhaps, even feel tt others wouldnt understand why i m plunging all my time in these stuff that i m doing.

but yeah..the holy spirit reminded me of a verse in Colossians str away. the one i shared in Tim class.

live for the audience of One.

i shall be the athlete on the track. moving forward, not looking back. :)

and i pray to see my many loved ones on this journey with me. it will come to pass someday. it will. :)

i would have nv imagine this to come out from mx's mouth, ever. at least now.

*clears throat*.. my hair was PERMED.

u have no idea how much i laughed when i saw myself in the mirror. i was totally RED FROM FACE TO HANDS i tell u. i jus CAN'T STOP THE MOMENT I STARTED LAUGHING.

omg. i looked totally like..nvms

OF COS, BACK TO STRAIGHT HAIR NOW. i insisted. kill me and i ll walk out with the PERMED HAIR i tell u.

but it was indeed an experience. wow......BWAHHHH. hHAHHAsHAHAHS!!!!!!!!!

was the hair model, in other words, subject for sherry's friend's upcoming exams. had the practice session today before the exams nx wk.

so first day of exams: Wash, Blow and Dry. I like tt. so therapeutic.

2nd: Perm and Set. My nightmare is so going to revive........

BUT IT WAS REALLY AN EYE OPENER!! (ok..maybe inclusive of ...in terms of how mx can look in PERMED BLACK HAIR), abt how hair styling exams are conducted, that dyed hair can have curlier perms (THANK GOD MY DYED HAIR IS ALMOST GONE.), angle as to how to set the hair etc etc.

i'm glad i tried it. it's an experience. a FUNNY one somemore. :)

doing the games clues for CAST AWAY now. more updates soon. ;)

ytd was great. no doubt.

something hit me fr this bk at resource:

Observed duties maintain ur credits; Silent duties maintain ur life.

hmmmmmm.

i got to scoot out of the hse now! cady's waiting for me in sch.

God, u r my Jehovah Jireh. I will not be in lack. Never.

I m in abundance. :)

amen to that?

AMEN.

was over at yuhan's place ytd night. what huimei shared moved me. yes.spirit of love should first spark off from family, before it will naturally translate to others. :)

n when i reached home this morn, i realised i look at things fr a different perspective. i saw that as usual, my dad had bought breakfast. i peered over the boxes (beehoon noodles), they were indicated by our names: the top box, he wrote: xiu. so continued looking on to the 2nd and 3rd box by lifting the top box away. and he wrote on that 2 boxes: la4 (spicy in chinese).

it may not mean ANYTHING to anyone, perhaps even me before what huimei shared ytd. but this is how my dad shows his love to me. did i see it?

in fact, he bothers to label and order non-spicy food for me by observing all these yrs that i dont enjoy spicy food.

this incident touched me a lot. hmm. i don't think its silly to feel so much for this.

within a span of 10 min, i m out of hse again. to go for recce! its like so exciting!

ubinnnnnn! n i got such a great team! excellent spirited. i was so encouraged.

eilton, andrew, josie and deb. bros and sis with great attitude!

i love their attitude. it encourages me a lot. they were tougher than the environment.

the trip was special, cos i think God spoke to me a lot. it was also a time i m challenged again too.

but God encouraged me so much thru this team. i m someone who can fall into self-pity quite easily. but guess what, their company n diligence in His work kept me away fr self-pity. in fact, i was taking steps closer to motivation.

and was sharing w deb, i m not as strong as i may appear to be at times. i have my many fears too alright. ahhas.

i rem, she laughed at me for being shocked at some object on the floor, and commented i was a scaredy cat. n of cos i refute that idea! saying: "NO I'M NOT!..-pause- i'm..i'm jus a timid HUM tt's all ok." i think, sometimes, honesty is a virtue. i've realised. hais.

Hahas. also from this trip, i felt strongly abt something at a personal level. it was abt simplicity.

this word kept coming to me. clc, when talking to others, or even as i read the Word.

keep things simple for God, always.

i m impressed by the villagers ability to love what they have. the whole atmosphere of the place was, sweet. i felt v refreshed, althou i was worn out physically. and was like a monkey scratching and slapping myself due to itch.

i was soaked in the mini retreat, the homely fuzzy kampong feel. k.i.s.s.

keep it sweetly simple. one pure heart for Him. tt's all.

its an amazing feeling through n through within me.

this was on my class blog. i tell u. i m v inspired by this man. really. tho' at times i do agree that we do see him as someone wif 'high authority' (like duhhh..i know. lecturer..no..wrong. it's manager who is managing lecturers somemore), he does make an effort to come down to our level.

n i still rem last fri, when me n zhen jus approached him in request he will open up the lecture theatre for the movie event we r holding. n wow.

bloody red streaks in his eyes. a bit pale. hair a bit not say v groomed. it was clear. he was physically tired.

n at once, me n zhen felt guilt. that we still had to trouble him with a puny thing like OPENING THE DOOR OF LT.

that was fr a near view. from far, he looked as chirpy n hua-bengish as usual.

he really nurtures. it touches me.


Thursday, November 10, 2005

A Reply.
I've previously emailed Hua Beng an e-card to thank him for taking time out of his busy schedule to attend our BBQ. As followed is the full reply from him:
* * *
Dear (my classmate's name),
I am pleased to be of service and thank you for the e-card. My presence at the BBQ was, in my opinion, a hindrance to the natural exuberance ofeveryone. Some melancholic people were hovering about at the edge (or were they hovering about with dread?) [read in a poetic manner].
It is getting challenging for me to try and decipher what drives students to achieve in their lives, how to motivate students to better themselves and be someone that their future patients will be proud to have met. Its getting harder to communicate with my students as I age and develop...
I hope all of you do not "fear" me. I do not judge and brand people as it goes against my values and my education. I sense in my students nowadays that they think what I think off them will .... (finish off the sentence). I give feedback as frankly (& often in my way). My only expectation is that all of you will be honest with yourselves and try hard to change little things in yourself as you move along in the OT course and eventually in your careers. Therapists must experience significant change in themselves before they can ever hope to facilitate change in others.
ANyway, here I go again... I can gain more feedback from all of you during the Japan trip.

Hua Beng
* * *
posted by pOmpy at 9:44 PM

it's night again.

or should i say..morning? :)

it's been like this since exams ended. i have an overwhelming pool of tots tt runs thru my mind during quiet times like this.

i will peer out of the window..look at all the buildings out of my room..the empty road...the mobil ppl.

n many tots will jus come.

how shall i start. i dunno. -smiles sheepishly-

reflecting on my close-to-one-yr walk with the nyp grp, i m overwhelmed.

in fact, to be accurate, i was v touched. i dunno why, but yeah..i guess 'touched' is a very apt word to use.

i can't believe it's almost a yr. n the numerous things tt happened thruout the yr.

some gd, some not so gd.

n i got pretty overwhelmed. to the extent tt i tot my eyes were hot n wet. till now?

i repented. for the many doings tt i may hv done which hurts others. my attitude, my pride, everything.

i dunno how many ppl's toes have i stepped on. i m sorry.

n i really see God working in changing my perspectives in this yr. its being an amazing journey w Him. i do treasure it so much you know.

arhh. i dunno how to describe tt feeling. but, i m feeling all so..ARGHHH.

i dun like it when i m being so emotional. i dun like it when i m not in control of my feeeeelings.

but God really sustained me. He taught me so much. many lessons tt i will really bear in mind. i cant give enough thanks for that fateful day in Sep 2004 at nyp carpark, when i was challenged to move on. n serve in a totally different n foreign student ministry.

at tt point in time, i HATE tt idea. i DON'T want to budge. i refuse to. n tt's all in my heart.

tho' outwardly, i obeyed. n yup. agreed to move.

dun ask me why those intense feelings of unwillingness. i hav no idea y. but the idea of leaving frens whom u have started ur spiritual journey w, an environment which u were pruned..to somewhere where u dun even know a pea..

put it simply: the feeling sucks. or rather, beyond sucks.

that was slightly more than a yr back.

n came the month where i met my new family. dec. at TOUCH community.

what deb said ytd caught me. "hey this fri's prayer meet at TOUCH. where we had our chu ci jian mian.(first meetup)..hehs"

its coming a yr. n i was reminded once again of what i responded during the student seminar then. abt my spiritual walk at the end of 2005.

:)

God is real. HE is. i don't wish to explain further at this pt in time how..but HE just is, in every single situation tt happened in my life for the past yr.

n i realised, HE doesn't need to explain Himself for every circumstance tt He planted in ur life. cos the circumstances will explain His presence to you..in its time. yup. tt's wad i truly learn.

many ppl i wan to thank for bearing me in love.

my shep: huimei. i can't even count the number of times i hav bite u, or the amount of rubbishh i give u. i can't count em. it's so much. but u've been so patient.. so patiently in picking these rubbish up one by one for me. u bore me in unconditional love. i love u.

sheep: deb. we hav rubbed shoulders a gazillion times...but yet, u r stil so dear to me. i dunno how to express these thru words (YOU KNOW IT.), but i'm sure u know my language of love to u. i've learn a lot fr u.. n i know i will stil continue to learn more. i'm assured of tt. i love u.

sheep: yuhan. as i've shared, i nv imagined i ll cross paths w u. nv. but God is cute, He gives loads of surprises. n u've been a pleasant one. talking w u gives me a new perspective of issues. like u ve shared, we will bring this r/s to a deeper level. :) let's share life. n yes, tho' i dun know u for long, u r v dear to me as well..n i mean tt. i love u.

the list goes on. u guys know who u r. thanks for ur Investment in my life.

was doing cg report.

when i suddenly find myself laughing at the lyrics of this song...HAHAS! schizo.

but it was actually the piano piece before the bridge/chorus part that caught my attention first..its super cooooollll.

and then i listened again for the lyrics.

hahahaas! its such a fun song.. i love corrinneeemayyyyyyyy..woohooo!

i think my sis n i r so similar in this area: we will nt get tired of something v easily.

evident fr her MILLION TIMES of watching the SAME VCD, n of cos...i m down with 'not-get-tired-of-corrinnemay's-songs-syndrome'. hurhur.

I F I K I S S E D Y O U
Written by Corrinne May Ying Foo
Copyright 2001, Corrmay Gourmet Music (ASCAP)

If I kissed you
Would fireworks fly
Would angels sing with lollipops
Would dinosaurs cry
Would babies all gurgle
in laughter and surprise
If I kissed you.

If I kissed you
What would Michaelangelo say
Would he still have sculpted David
Would we be immortalized in clay
Would the poets write of love like ours
Would John Donne have his say
If I kissed you

You could be one in a million
You could be the one for me
But l guess I'll never know
if I never try
I guess I'll just have to grab you in my arms
and kiss you.

If I kissed you
Would you lose track of time
Would you feel a surge of happiness
Running up your spine
Would you run naked in the street
with a tattoo of my name on your behind
If I kissed you.

Oh, if I kissed you
Yeah, if I kissed you.

i don't know why. but i can't sleep.

earlier on, i was so tired after training tt the first thing i did after i reached home, was to lie flat on the floor in my room. i simply can't move.

tiring, but i had a great time sweating it ALL out. woo. i love TT. a special game. endurance, focus n most imptly, patience. n after i showered, i just can't wait to rest.

now i m sitting here. and i CAN'T SLEEP?! i was jolted awake. for no reason. goodness.

natural instinct. walk to the kitchen n find food.

and something jus pop into my mind, this phrase: x'mas countdown.

i was like: HUH? mx. r u nuts? thinking abt x'mas countdown at 0514 hrs. u must be mad. really.

but i decided to msg deb on friendster for this. n den, i understood what 'x'mas countdown' meant to me.

i know it seems strange tt i dun even know whats the interpretation of the words tt pops out in my head! but hey, it has happened a gazillion times to me. nothing new.

as i typed on for deb's msg, i realised what i meant by x'mas countdown. its not those "5, 4, 3, 2, 1...MERRY X'MAS!!" kind of countdown effect on 24dec every yr.

no no.

it was a mental COUNTDOWN of how many weeks r there left to x'mas.

6+ weeks. tt's...fast.

n i thought to myself: ready for it?

-pause-

"Let's GO!"

its not some mini mental drama within me..HAHAS. but i dunno. i jus sense it strongly within me.

perhaps its a 0514hr syndrome. but nonetheless, it was a good reminder!

YES, LET'S GO!

this yr, x'mas smells different. (i smell new wool. hmmmmm..baaaaahhh....Hahahas!)

yes. it will be different! without a shadow of doubt.

Grip my heart dear Lord. "Open" my heart, "Pour" in burden n love, "SHAKE" it hard!, "Close" w vision n victory!

our all time fav of O.P.S.C.

x'mas..eh..

i jus realised. no. i should spell CHRISTmas.

yup! its all abt Him. no short cuts!

prepare me Dad. help me to focus on one finishing pt.

CHRISTmas is all about You, and of cos.."you"s. every single one of us matters to Him.

so...mx, LET'S GO!!

wow. i m still up. i cant believe it.

i was GROSSLY tired physically in the morning. i reckon i slept more during exam period than this.

but its a really gd feeling, to be awake, n serving Him. i think what i've learnt ytd made a lot sense to me today.

some words just simply jump out to me ytd. very very much. some were slaps in my face..literally shouting to me that i really need to humble myself. u r FAR fr there mx.

CLC2 spoke to me a lot. sam and nel took turns to teach. it was a very vivid clc class. really. cos i tot it really spoke to me in a very personal manner.

some words were the exact ones i tot thru on fri night. thoughts that i can't seem to figure out a right answer..thoughts there were confusing..

Assumptions..Expectations..What makes a great leader? Living for people's approval? Hard work...Lead by example..

perhaps, by nature, i m someone with not much of affect. i don't express my emotions as easily..but without a doubt, i was deeply moved by the sharing in clc. cos it inspired me at a very very..very very personal manner within.

n i think no amount of 'very's can do enough justice to how much the lesson spoke to me.

to minister, is to serve. to play on God's team means serving people before self.

to Love Him, is to love others. its a very simple concept!

just finished chatting w ant online. the entire conversation was like WOW. first time we r talking abt God's business.

i find it hard to convey serious messages to him. ever since JC. it was almost mission impossible.

n a while ago, he msged me. and tt my nick made a lot of sense to him.


..::F o c u s ::.. says:
yeah can say so
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
hols fr tmr onwards
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
3 wks before i go for clinicals
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
haha so good
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
enjoy lar
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
hmmm ur nick is quite true manz
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
hahas
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
why?
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
ur nick is MEssy
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
AHAHAH

and the conversation got on a bit more..and eventually he shared this..


Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
hahhaa
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
haha i tink i say liaoz will sound very strange 2 u ahahha
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
why?
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
hahaha cos i tink it will be funny lar
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
no lar...i tink these few months or even the past year since in UK, i tink i started 2 worry a lot n alot more than usual
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
and i hate it manz

and the sharing continued. n it went on to..

..::F o c u s ::.. says:
changes r good la
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
no change no growth ma
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
yeah w/o change there will be no growth rite
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
YA
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
AHAHas
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
ahahaha...same thing!
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
amen
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
maybe God wan change me lar
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
i tink instead of hating it...i shld learn 2 accept it?
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
yeps, n not jus accepting..but embrace it
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
can one la
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
small case
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
u have seen bigger things before isnt it
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
hahaas
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
it jus that its a v foreign feeling
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
no leh....tis one of the 1st time i like tis
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
n u dislike it.
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
yea yea!
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
its like, my emotional skills sux one lar
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
HAHA
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
yeah....but i duno how 2 embrace it
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
HAHA true wat
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i think it tks time ba..
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
ask God what is He trying to speak in these circumstances
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
its like....i tink 2 myself, "I worry much more now. I accept it"
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
But when i worry, I duno how 2 deal with it
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
hmmm true

and to this..

..::F o c u s ::.. says:
actually i always see u as someone who has a v smooth sailing life
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
someone who is v contented
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
in JC
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
yea i was very
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i tot that was good
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
really...i was happy n myself lar
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
HAHAHS
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
yeah but duno y now like that
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
u noe wat is so strange??!?!
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
n i yearned for tt sometimes also
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
Hmm?
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
wad?
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
cos in JC, I never reallie was a serious Christian, a carnal one....just say prayer here and there and just live life unaffected
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
then i was happy manz
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
but when I really started become a 'real' Christian
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
then things are not as 'good' as b4 lehz....
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
isn't it supposed 2 be better? i mean after u really commit urself
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
haha just a thot lar
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
HAhas.
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
yea i tink i wan 2 be like the JC days
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
really happy haha
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i have tot that tot many many zillion times in JC
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
isit
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
really
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
haha
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
then?
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
really
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
ask shera
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
if u know me
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
my past n everything
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i was v disappointed w God many times in JC
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
very
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
cos i tot He failed me a lot of times
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i was doing so so well when i was a Non-believer
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i excelled in everything i do
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
without even putting much effort
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
isit....haha, then now u found the answer>
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
in every single thing
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
froms studies to CCAs
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i felt so 'glorified'
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
but after knowing Him
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i faced so much struggles that i was doubting Him
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
yea y ar....
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i was thinking its complete madness
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
i tink God's happiness is different from our happiness
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
knowing Him is going thru such struggles?
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
yeahh..
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
but strangely
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
God really sustains me..
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
as i look back now
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i know God was moulding me
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
n pruning me.
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
if not for the hard times, will i be resilient at all?
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i really doubt so.
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
true....hai ll
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
kk
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
smooth seas dont make skilful sailors
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
HAHAHS
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
yea i tink He is froming me into wat He wans me 2 be lar
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
amen
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
kk thks alot k
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
pass the test
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
haha pray for me
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
sure :)

i was surprised. pleasantly surprised too. that its anthony, without a doubt! i felt that wow. it was a conversation impossible 2 yrs ago.

but hey. God is an amazing and humourous God. He changes people. :)

i m so assured of God's plans for you Ant. keep going. :)

right now, i m overwhelmed by thanksgiving within my heart! i thank Him for this great family. really.

its such an ironic, but deep love.

wow. i am CONSUMED.

today is a special day. where different people touched my heart in their special manner.

xuan called fr brisbane! to update and also to wish me a reaaaaaaaalllll belated birthday wish. nonetheless, that was thoughtful bro. although my heart was bleeding when YOU CALLED MY HANDPHONE, i appreciated it sooooooooo much for ur effort! u will be in time for kopitiam xmas! ;)

n deb. its such warmth to know that i m running this race w u. keep going. :)

and as i slumped onto bed just now to read my book..one of cm's songs caught my attention tonight. and it jus speaks exactly how i feeel towards these bunch of peeps.

my angels in disguise indeed. :) i m blessed.


A N G E L I N D I S G U I S E
Written by Corrinne May Ying Foo
Copyright 2003, Corrmay Gourmet Music (ASCAP)

I woke up this morning feeling kind of blue
and I stumbled out of bed and dragged my feet across the room
Right outside my front door was a rose and a note that said
'Somebody Loves You'

But out on the street it starts to pour and
before I get soaking wet,
A total stranger runs to give me the jacket off his back
I turn around to thank him
But he waves me with a smile

I can hardly believe my eyes
He puts on a halo and starts to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look at Paradise
You could be next to an angel in disguise

I met a good friend for lunch
and we had a delicious meal
But I forgot to bring my wallet
I felt like an imbecile
But she was sweet, she gave me a treat
and Bought me a chicken sandwich
To take home for tea

But out on the street with nothing to eat
A man and his shopping cart go
Travelling to places,Collecting social graces
I give him my sandwich and we chatter for a while
I see a rainbow wash over his eyes
He gives me his halo and I start to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for Paradise
You could be next to an angel in disguise

Don't try to hide away from me
I know you're by my side

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for Paradise
You could be next to an angel in disguise

Everyday can be legendary
Every minute, an endless surprise
You could be the next angel in disguise

I woke up this morning
Feeling kind of new...

back. :o) after a somewhat looooooooong n exhausted week..i m finally done w exams. yes!
as the clock turned eleven at the exam hall, after the mic-sounding voice said "pens down.", i felt INMMENSE n INTENSE relief. i hav no reason why i felt tt way this time round. really. it was relief n simple joy after finishing w exams. i m jus so glad to have conquered this really mentally torturous week, by the grace and strength of Him.

i can't imagine myself walking thru this sem's exams without Him w me. many times in this round of exams, i felt surges of wanting to just give up revising, simply for the fact tt it seems to me tt theres no human way to finish revising each module. NO WAY. for cute papers tt have two modules...or even THREE in a single paper. i jus think lecturers r so smart in 'disillusionment', stating on the exam timetable tt we r sitting for only 4 papers..whilst in actual fact, there r avg of 3 modules to be revised for ONE paper. .i can't praise them enough for their 'brilliant cover-up' of the zillion modules we r taking actually.

many times..i just saw so MANY reasons to give up. to just sleep off the stress. but i m indeed thankful tt He sustains. i was reminded of Jesus's character. He nv gives up. He is persistent in the things He was given stewardship over. instead of praying for problems to be eliminated, i've learnt to pray for STRENGTH and wisdom to overcome these challenges.

felt so supported by Him thruout this exams that each time after prayer, i m totally refreshed n renewed in spirit. Altho' my physical body is weak, my mind was rejuvenated many many times.

i felt so loved. i felt so blessed. :)

special special mention of a v v special lady in my life. tt i grew to appreciate so much during this exam period.

none other than...cai ma ma. aka my mum. :)

i felt her love. no words needed. actions were evident. she took really good care of me.

she's my welfare officer for the past one week. brewing liang teh for me n making sure i drink at least the whole tubbbb...

she's my thermostat..checking on the temperature of the room to make sure i ll not catch a cold..

my alarm clock...promptly waking me up for exams.

my pom-pom cheerleader!! rem a special incident on thurs night which she just came to my room, asked me to bring in all the notes and go to her room and 'study' with her, while she watch her silent tv. hahahs. her presence..jus simply presence..supported me.

my window closer. for the many nights tt it rained, she checked upon my windows w the slightest disruption to my sleep as possible.

i love u cai ma ma, for loving a person so unworthy to be loved during exams. who's irritable..who's pms-ing...who's stubborn..who's stress level has made her black face turned white.

i love u God. for loving a person so unworthy of ur love, not just only exams period, but.. anytime..anywhere.

n for this simple fact, i know its impossible..not..to stubbornly love u. :)

the past one week had been an eventful one.. according to mx's dictionary, eventful= full of events. hahahs.

not all r nice ones tho' of cos.

but amidst those 'not-so-nice' ones, i do have great ones too. :)

like my birthday. hahas.

this yr, i ve decided to spend it in a diff manner. postponed all meetups and dinners to nov.

this yr, i decided to spend this time 'starbucks-ing' with God instead. n it was a very very refreshing time for me. n the 2 girls decided to surprise me by visiting me at my hse at night!

i m blessed. :)

great fellowship w the sheep. its a privilege to serve w them. they've made me learnt so much.

thru their actions, i ve learnt what does it mean to let my hair down and serve Him. precisely! it should be no stress! immense joy!

'ANYTIME, ANYWHERE.' talking to yuhan inspired me w this concept. and i jus told myself..'anytime, anywhere.'

He is there for u..'anytime, anywhere.'

You can talk to him..'anytime, anywhere.' no boundaries, no environmental restrictions.

He is not jus found in caregrps, church or just when u r praying.

no. It's not. it's 'Anytime, anywhere.' with the Holy Spirit living in you..and He is greater in you than you in yourself.

reminded me of this song that we sang during svc last sat. composed by this bro in church.. 'GREATER'. He must be greater in me than me in myself..and u will soon realise, all the rest of the stuff that u have been focussing on, is actually v temporal.

got this email fr joanna. spoke to me a lot. to all whom it may speak to too. blessed day. :)


THE BRICK>>
A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street,
>going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting
>out from between parked cars and slowed down
>>when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children appeared.

>Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door! He slammed on the brakes
>and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown. The
>angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up
>against a parked car shouting, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what
the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going
>to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?" The young boy was apologetic.

>"Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do," He
>pleaded. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop..." With tears
>dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just
>around a parked car. "It's my brother, "he said "He rolled off the curb and
>fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up."
>>Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, "Would you please help me
him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."
>>Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump
>in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the
>wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh
>scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay.
>"Thank you and may God bless you," the grateful child told the stranger.

>Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy push his
>wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.>>It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very
>noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door.

>He kept the dent there to remind him of this message: "Don't go through
>life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your
>attention!" God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes
>when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us. It's our
>choice to listen or not.

>>Thought for the Day:>>If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
>>If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
>>He sends you flowers every spring.
>>He sends you a sunrise every morning Face it, friend - He is crazy about >you!
>>God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow,sun without
>rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and
>light for the way.

>>Read this line very slowly and let it sink in...
>>If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
>>


'You must be greater in me o Lord, Let all the rest fade away....my joy is complete in You, for You are my strength, my soul...'- Greater.

reggie has a weirrrddd friend. HAHHAS. :)

wheeee. robert's gone! i m so thankful for tt. the one case study tt can make all ur hair drop overnight.

v thankful for steph!! machiam cheeerleader. called each other halfway here there. woke the other person up if we r napping. woooo.

n v blessed to hav her arrange the reference list for meeeeeeeee n everything!!! thanks woman. muacks!

knew tt i felt super negative the day before. so i jus headed home straight fr sch. i felt tired den..really tired. i just seem to experience a huge sense of..tiredness in my heart.

reached home. n immediately i took the spot of the sofa by the window. looked out and far beyond. spent some time praying cos the feeling was getting harder to bear. .

plug in earphones. listened to e songs on the playlist. continued praying..or maybe..even complaining to God.

tt i feel its really getting tough. where r u Lord? i cant hear u..

n this song played. it stood out from the many songs. it was never a song i paid much attention to in the entire cm's album. but..suddenly, parts of the lyrics made a lot of sense to me.

indeed, there are a thousand, or even a million reasons why i should give up, but i m stubborn in the things i believe. in the ONE reason. n tt's enough to know tt all i m doing is not in vain. :)

nights world.

E V E R Y T H I N G I N I T S T I M E
Written by Corrinne May Ying Foo & Carole Bayer SagerCopyright 2001 Corrmay Gourmet Music (ASCAP) / All About Me Music adm. by Warner Tamerlane Publishing Corp. (BMI)

Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead
How long till my hunger is fed
They say it's hard to make it in this part of town
So many people on this merry-go-round

Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer,
To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and
I try to pray
In the silence I can hear Him say

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time

I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

'cause maybe there's another plan
One I still can't see
A little surprise, like your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time
Everything in its time

as usual. a tiny break from doing robert would be...

reading blogs!

but i nv regret doing tt.

cos i was yawning away and was abt to go to the kitchen to make some coffee.. grab my cadbury cubes to eat...

n i realised: why did i always choose to do the most obvious n visible thing to make myself awake.

yes all these stuff does help. but for only tt little while. coffee..chocs..but i will soon struggle between physical fatigue n mental alertness. realised something..worship is so much better. body n mind renewed.

aft reading shuyi's blog, i felt the sudden urge to sing songs of worship and decided to jus leave everything aside for a moment n pray.

fr shuyi's blog:
"That peace is so precious to me. The cushion of the sea. There is a point in the ocean so deep that it is total stillness down there. Where the waves and currents above have no effect on this deep volume of water. God's peace is like that cushion. Nothing can touch it. Not uneasiness, disappointment, too many things to do, these can't reach it. The peace permeates the soul.

Psalm 68:19-Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior,who daily bears our burdens."

a most refreshing 10 min of break i've had so far. :)
n i jus start to hum this song.. great time in quietness w jesus. ;)

Sing Of Your Great Love

All that is within me Lord will bless Your holy name,
I live my life to wor-ship You alone.
You brought me out of darkness,and in-to Your glorious light
Forever I will sing of Your great love.
Forever I will sing of Your great love.

I love to see You glorified, to see You lifted high,
I yearn to see all na-tions bow their-knee.
It's You alone Lord Jesus who can cause the coldest heart
To find Your love and everlasting peace.
To find Your love and everlasting-peace.

CHORUS:
Ho-ly, Ho-ly, Ho-ly is the-Lord.
Ho-ly, Ho-ly, Ho-ly is the-Lord.

And Your trumpet will sound,
And all of heaven will know
That the time has finally come
For the bride to take her place.
And we'll hear the angels-sing
©1999 Darlene Zschech / Hillsong Music Australia / Integrity's Hosanna!
Words and Music by Darlene Zschech

amen.

inevitably, i whined and complained incessantly in my heart when i realised i made another mistake for bsm prac. i was gripped with horror when i realised HOW careless i can be. i hate the feeling of realising a new mistake everyday u know. roars.

BUT, i was rudely interrupted in my thoughts. but a beneficial interruption i would say. 'focus on whats ahead, not what's behind, look forward, look forward..look forward... "Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.." Phil 3:13'

hard to imagine..but this gentle reminder of the Holy spirit energized me.. inside out.

i felt v blessed instead. that u know, i was reminded tt i have so many things i could give thanks for. i could hardly finish counting my blessings..so why focus on disappointments?

God plants circumstances in our lives to learn something out of 'em.. nv something tt we cant bear.

led cg today. wonderful time w the girls. testimonies of the girls greatly encouraged me. esp yuhan's. :) u ll be really amazed how God changes a life. ur life inspires me yuhan. :)

i m v thankful for the convenanted relationships tt i hav w this family. really. its a joy to serve the Lord tog w u guys.

let's sweat it all out!!!! rem the 'gym plan' alright! :)

b.r.e.a.k.t.h.r.o.u.g.h: u will only experience it when u start walkingatheedgeforHim. :)

many things happened today.

or rather..a MAJOR thing happened today. bsm prac exam is finally over. i have a NYP stress-level scale within me u knows. if 1 is minimum and 10 is ultimate, i wld rate today as 9.875679409745. u get the drift.

suet was saying she felt butterflies before the prac. yeah. i agree. or even bees.

but all relieved its over. :) thank God for one qn which inthu was mentioning a few min before i left for my slot. it was abt the ankle. i totally forgot abt learning the ankle. too small. hahas.

alright. nuff' said. shall commit the exam into God's hands. tho' i know i made some real stupid mistakes, hv tried my best already.. ROARS. glad hua beng's affect was ZERO in the exam room.

think this is test that tests ur "thick-skinness" also..if u forget how to do something..u jus chiong n do something at least.. and 'act confident' of ur treatment..and just do. no time to waste. no time to whine..no time for regrets. u bascially fly from one station to the other.

...see. here i go again. i jus enuff said. n i went on again. i got to kick the habit of rambling n whining. n stop worrrying. hahas.

some thots impacted me recently. n today, another one i took home when huimei was sharing.

"When u feel tired..and many things r piling up in ur head..Stretch urself."

perhaps it sounds..weird? a natural response of tiredness is often..to rest. but the point she shared abt stretching urself when u r tired hit me to a great extent. i think it all applies to muscles too isnt it? treatments r always about stretching..n we often encourage clients to self-stretch too.

S.t.r.e.t.c.h. and stretch beyond. don't give up. persist in it. :) go further. push! (sounds so sit-and-reach hahahs)

yeah. p.u.s.h, pray until something happens. communicate w jesus everyday. :)

i hv learnt so so much in a saturday.

perhaps fr huabeng's. his last min revision gave our class some confidence i would say. a lecturer tt's all ready to impart..n not jus doing his job or vocation as an educator. nope. he's doing all these..all cos its his..

Passion.

i hope i got tt right. at least i feel so. he is someone who is passionate about nurturing young OTs a.k.a us. i like his ever objective attitude.

n he mentioned about customizing today. tt as generation passes, students have become consumers instead, and tt lecturers r made to 'customise' a service to students.

i ve learnt much fr svc too. n guess wad? svc was about..

"When we Customise GOD".

so apt.

and i was so very impacted by the sermon today. n i supposed many others were too.

it wasnt a all so nice, telling u of God's blessings kind of sermon u know..it sounded rather scary..n it DID instill a God fearing attitude in me.

why so? all because i think i m also guilty of customizing God too in the process as i live my life.

Many times, we want a "God" that is "light" to carry, "user-friendly" and "predictable". in this generation, analogous to what huabeng mentioned, the new generations have being 'conditioned' for immediate gratification.

hence, customization begins.

we fail to wait on God's silence. we often give up too soon. too very soon..

Have i interceded for someone frequently? more than prayers for myself? how can i easily forget the power of intercession!

many testimonies were shared, and my heart was gripped with awe for Him. really. it cant be coincidence. it must be Him.

Pastor Dinah was sharing how this sister was getting out of the house, preparing to go for a unit event.. that was about 6pm in the evening.

as she walked, she felt an intense stirring in her heart..to pray.

and hence, she pray for the obvious, that the unit event will be a success and that it will run smoothly..

but still, the stirring did not go away...it was with her all the way till 10 at night, when the event has already ended.

and so..she walked..and felt a great prompting in her heart to pray for her friends who have went for missions in Lima Peru. this time that she interceded..it was 10pm Singapore time.

she interceded for them like never before..and it was only till she wake up the next morning, did the burden wear off.

n 2 days later. she got an email.

fr this sister, who is in the Peru church planting team.

n it wrote to her, that on Saturday (which was the day she interceded), in the morning at 9 am (peru is 13 hrs behind Singapore time.) , she, together with Julian as the driver and others had a near to death experience.

this particular sister smelled smoke and was shocked to see the car on fire when she turn back. and so she screamed for Julian to stop. and Julian quickly drove to the edge of the dusty little road.

"Get out!!" she screamed. and they hurried down and tried to extinguish the blazing fire with the dust on the roads, together with a few helpful passers-by.

the fire was so huge tt it could only be extinguish when the police and everyone came with the extinguisher.

n aft investigations, Julian n team were told that the car could have exploded should he continue to drive a bit more.

Power of intercession. i no longer believe in coincidences.

instead of us customising God..

allow God to customise you instead.

Yuhan joined us for the very first time today! u know..this sense of excitement is buzzing within me so much? i look forward to serving with her in the ministry..and i know tt God has great plans for her.

had a good time chatting with her..sharing and i was really encouraged by her sweet spirit. open and honest conversations, which i felt strongly. i love conversations like this, when u know tt theres openness despite not knowing each other that well. but it felt very covenanted. the feeling is amazing.

and i thank GOD for sustaining me till so far. really. it has not been easy. but i give thanks to Him that His grace is sufficient for me..He gives me strength.

help me g.r.o.w. looking forward to breakthroughs. :)

found some photos tt carrie took last time at the airport when junting, my then shep, left for australia nt too long ago.. heres one. :) chris, sher, carrie with me..

as i look at the pic.. i can't help but smile to myself..

that i really have great buds like them. and as how i usually see them..they r the "u-know-they-will-be-ere'-for-u-rain-or-shine" buddies in church. despite us serving in diff campuses now..and not really having time to meet up n catch up..i m thankful for the tiny little chats tt we manage whenever we r at s11..or outside nexus while waiting for svc to start. the feeling is of warmth..of a close sense of bond. a feeling of knowing that running the race with these ppl at different places but with the same purpose is all so worth it...an exact feeling undescribable.. :)

still doing HO assignment. but its progressing. thats encouraging enough for me. :)

went to settler's cafe for cg..had fun! hahas we played a v challenging game called ulramnah..or dunno what..basically is a building game. was an eye opener.

oh..n tonight....i had a shock hearing something jus now...

alright, i reframe..not a shock..but it did came as a surprise.

wow. GOD.. i know u r using me to measures that i cannot fathom..not within my human understanding.

by ur grace..with faith..i will be a gd steward. amen.

a joke-of-the-centuryyyy..a proud production of chua family. alright. at least i tot so. here goes:

dad got a videoclip thingy on his handphone today fr his colleague. excitedly, he shared w sis.

so..he got his handphone n said: "zhen ah, lai kan zhe ge!" = "zhen ah, come and see this one."(literally translated.)

"she me lai de.."= "what is it.."

so dad showed. an initial D scene of the mountains and roads. and this fast speeding car....

so sis focused on the moving car...and suddenly..at this turning point of jungles..THE CAR DISAPPEARED!

so sis peered closer.... n held the handphone even closer........

WRAAAAAAAAHHH!! the stupid monster looking person appeared!

n sis THREW THE HANDPHONE OUT!!

....

n my dear lao pa..knowing tt will be the response..(cos probably he threw his colleague's hp in the same way too...) was all prepared to CATCH it. n thankfully...he got it. hahahhas!!!

den...sis called mum who was preparing dinner..

"MUMMYYY!! come n see this!!!!"

cai ma ma..aka my mum..appeared from behind the kitchen door...

with a knife in her hands.

sis: "put down the knifeeeee..come here and seeee.."

cai ma ma: "No need la!! i cutting vegetableesss. HURRY UP la!"

sis:" CANNNNNNOTTTTTTT...YOU MUST PUT DOWN TO SEEEEEE..."

cai ma ma: " BU yong La!!! kan handphone er yi!!" = no need la!! look at handphone onlyy..

sis: "Jus listen to meeeeeee...MUST put down!!!"

and this went on for quite a while.

in the end. mum gave up...she put the knife.....

behind her back..n said " like that can already right?? cannot seeeeee le" (obviously she din know tt she can kill someone almost instantly by jabbing into dad who is holding the hp by watching tt.)

sis went berserk. "Give me knifeeeeee."

n FINALLY the OBSTINATE cai ma ma as usual..gave in and complained and sat on the sofa. knife safely in kitchen.

n hid behind dad's sleeves cos she know it must be something horribleeee.

n true enough..she THREW HANDPHONE.

poor dad.

but imagine..throwing..knife.

now in nus central lib..met reg to catch up n at the same time..to mk sure i will not waste my afternoon away..so here i m..tapping on their lan. hee. thanks to weilan. hahas.

w reg..and supposedly doing my HO Assignment.

i mean.. i m doing. but am always stuck somewhere, somehow.

nvm. prata after this is my motivation. i shall work hard now.

.....

List of things-to-do i had in mind when i logged on..so far..checked:
1.Plan of MCG
2.Send proposal to ZX
3.Send eilton the list of names for Ubin recce
4.HO assignment
5.Check out the name for the peg board ax
6.Bring earphones tmr!

the red ones r completed. green's half done. now a new list:

1. Msg Cady n Joanne abt their roles for Ubin

woo. not bad. jus one. hahhas. k time to rest. after lim-ming my milo.

nights world.

learnt something abt myself recently.

i m a worrier. n a pretty bad one too.

but..i really wan to be a WARRIOR..not a worrier. but sometimes, u really struggle to be one victorious one in pressing circumstances.

but hey, i thank God for this environment tt i can stretch myself and beyond. is really a testing grd for me. new grd for breakthru. God..i need more of u in this.

and i think i have been using all my brute strength..my own understanding..my own words even..to encourage myself..to motivate myself thru this period.

but of cos, Man is limited. theres only thhhhaaaat much tt u can make ur spirits uplifted.

Matthew 6:25-27 [Do Not Worry] 25"I tell you, do not worry. Don't worry about your life and what you will eat or drink. And don't worry about your body and what you will wear. Isn't there more to life than eating? Aren't there more important things for the body than clothes?
26"Look at the birds of the air. They don't plant or gather crops. They don't put away crops in storerooms. But your Father who is in heaven feeds them. Aren't you worth much more than they are?
27"Can you add even one hour to your life by worrying?

really impacted by the last verse. Can i even add one hour to my life by worrying? No i can't. i simply can't. so why spend time worrying and fussing over the uncertainties in life? do i have tt little faith in God to hold my future?

i wan to experience a breakthru in this. i really look forward to tt. :)

o. i grew a lady's finger plant last week, for the sake that i will have such 'over-garden' topics w my frens to talk abt..cos ALMOST ALL of em have cucumbers sprouting in hydroponics, cabbage blooming..runner's seeds growing. SO THAT's it. i grew one too. hahahs despite not really having the passion to grow a plant. i wan to be relevant. Hahahhs!

and... it grew SOOO much over the weekend! i was really pleasantly surprised! and its then, did i really felt the joy in seeing YOUR very own plant grow! this ownership u cannot explain.. i was beaming fr ear to ear when i saw my seedlings fr my cup at the garden. wow.

n u know wad..i dunno why. but i was v reminded tt in fact, everyone's life is jus like a seed. someone was interested in u, and hence, planted u in fertile soil..water it..and place it under sunlight for it to grow. the person planted it. the person takes the ownership of the plant. the person yearns for the day it GROWs.

i was immediately reminded of God's immeasurable love. in the OT garden..yes. He is the Creator. He planted us in good soil. and just as i watched how my classmates loved and adored their plants, He adores us. despite how others may find it repulsive (i.e the old me..who used to HATE IT WHEN I ALWAYS HAD TO ACCOMPANY THEM TO GARDEN To CHECK OUT their plants), the Planter tks the ownership, and responsibility of the life He planted. He nurtures it. He waters it. He watches it grow.

I vividly rem elain's plant being infected w virus then..and how upset she was. she couldnt bear to put it to death. i was once again reminded then, that even tho each and everyone of us has 'virus' within us and is so imperfect, He loves us so much to not put us to death..but to die on the cross himself for our sake. tell me..where else can i find such unconditional love.

nowhere.

i wan to be the seed that grows and bears fruits.

God. prune me and use me.

Amen.