today's the third day of christmas. :)

was watching grey's anatomy just now. a fantastic show. i am really attracted to the show. i dunno why.

it managed to capture my attention for the full length of the show. usually, i will be really fidgety by midlength of the show? but the story managed to keep me on.

about a bunch of interns. who were having their internship at SGH..hahahhahaha! wellwell, not singapore general hospital, but seattle grace hospital.

perhaps its cos i am having attachment now, tts why i feel exceptionally like this show speaks to me. hahas! the hospital scenes, the supervisor scene, the canteen scene, the books scene, the friends scene, the patients scene..but i think just that i dont have the operating table scene. (thank GOD very much for that!) hahahhas.

i really admire the doctors in this show. their commitment. their ability to handle stress. performing under stress. and yet, not forgetting fun and some humour as well. :)

the key person which attracted me is of cos, none other than meredith.

a few lines which she shared captured my heart.

things like..something like tt.."i cannot think of a hundred ways why i want to be a doctor, but i can think of a thousand ways why i want to quit."

and she still hung on. :)

i think the key is about PASSION. passion drives. passion stirs ur heart. passion boils ur blood.

when she shared that, it really struck me. cos i was just thinking about the issue of being a Christ follower as well. i was just thinking back of the one yr ive spent in the poly ministry. last christmas to this yr's.

and i was just reading the card deb gave me this morn. she wrote along the borders, something like : Member, cg mate, shep, leader..

i was thinking. hey, i din realised that. but yeah, its a process of my spiritual growth for the past one yr. thank God for Deb who reminded me with the card.

really. sometimes, its just so hard to state down a hundred reasons why i am still serving Him, or even leading a flock for Him, with the amount of rejections, misunderstandings, commitment, tears, sweat, time, energy..everything.

and for the above same reasons, its so simple to come up with a thousand reasons (or should i say excuses..haha) why i should quit.

but, as i ponder, i realised, whoever told u the statement which has the higher number of reasons wins? :)

i only need One reason, of credibility and Truth, to make me retain this commitment for Him. and of cos, the reason is Jesus.

not saying these cos its christmas tho.

i find it hard, or perhaps even impossible, for those who truly experience Jesus, to want to leave Him and forsake Him. no way.

this is my 4th "Christ"mas. Christmas with Christ in it. :) amazing journey.

was not a bed of roses. had doubts. carnal nature. driven by the world many times.

but i thank Him for not giving up on me. for the many times, He pruned me and showed His grace upon me.

and also for the many people who did not give up on me as well, who really poured out their life for me. thanks.

for this Christmas thanksgiving, it was important for me to realise, that i am here, because someone had the faith, that i will come to know Jesus one day, no matter how impossible it may seem in human understanding.

and i thank God for their Faith.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see..."- Hebrews 11:1

sometimes, i try to imagine my life now without Jesus. rewinding my days back to 21 July 2002. And starting again from there to now.. 27 Dec 2005.

Hmm..

i will still be someone who is very driven by achievements, someone who is easily stressed out, someone who is ever self-centred, someone who cannot be bothered to talk to people whenever she is tired. someone who complains. someone who will never think of doing beyond what's required, someone contented with life. someone who aims to work in an occupation which pays superbly well. or maybe, someone who is happily hitched with some guy now. Hahahhahahahhas!

perhaps, no one can really identify the amount of grace poured in me except myself. I am not a saint now. definitely not. i m still full of flaws, falling short of a lot of standards.

but the love of God really compells me, to follow Jesus's example, to people He met.

When u seek Him with all your mind, soul, heart and strength, its amazing how He can work through u. Often, i do stupid things that i feel like i am the most foolish person on earth, or by human standards, but time and time again, He carried me through in circumstances where His grace comforts me and strengthens me. Beyond my understanding. His protection upon me is always there. when i am desperate for help, He sents people who helps me just in the way i need. whenever i find it impossible to finish a task, He provides me with strength, resources and even the right people to carry me thru. many many other testimonies.

Really. Jesus. You ve showed me the reason to live.

not joking. i am still up. :)
dont know why. i think its mainly due to the fact that christmas is here. feeling a little excited. geees.

there will be a mini celebration at the rehab centre tmr. ceyu weiting me and irene performing an item..hahahhahahhas! disney medlies! dots right.

but i think there's effort there! so i think the patients will be entertained by us! hahahhahs (i will definitely pray so..hahha)

currently, praying for courage over certain areas in my life.

help me overcome them by ur strength o Lord. :)

oooo and our dear Maple Queen made my names using MAple stuff!!! o, like duh. hahahha
but dunno wht now cannot load on here. tmr!

and i finally managed to get a song going here! but it takes yrs to d/l!

sent by yuhan to me. love this song.

simple, yet so ministering.

and with kids singing it. that makes it even sweeter. :)

took ten min just now jus to purely listen to it again and again, sing along, and let the lyrics stir within me.

"With Your hand in mine, I'll walk where You'll lead me...." i exceptionally love this line..

off to rest. nights world.

;)

Provervs 3:5 (NIV)- Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding....

its really rare for me to be online at this hour when there is clinicals the nx day.

2.04 AM.

i hear christmas. i smell christmas. i taste christmas. i feel christmas. i see christmas. i love christmas.

althou this time round, i am really pressed for time. no christmas gifts shopping as yet, nevertheless, i am feeling all excited.

and altho orchard road seems a little quieter this year, it seemed to me a much more meaningful one as well.

the activities really bring out the Essence of Christmas. what Christmas is all about. :)

went narnia carnival w pris ytd! eh honestly, the size of the carnival was a little disappointing. however, saw a few familiar faces who are volunteers! like uncle desmond, joanne and some others who were singing on stage!

went into the wardrobe. it really triggered me to want to catch the movie. went borders today. saw the narnia bk. i had no idea narnia was written so long ago!

oh wells. ignorance. i know.

i am certainly looking forward to everything! there will be carolthon on wed, ttsh rehab mini therapist cum patient party! the 2 services on fri night and sat! the visitation of Hongkong cafe aft svc on sat! and stay over at ECP! wooohooo!

tho i am tired physically at times, i thank the Lord for His providence and strength for each new day. :)

was lookin at the outdoor photo exhibition outside borders today whilst waiting for liyan to come. the pictures were beautiful. each picture had its story to tell.

the theme was "Earth from above", where all the photos were taken from the helicoptor.

splendid views.

but among so many, the last one struck me the most. the picture showed Lake Logipi, Suguta Valley in Kenya. in the description, it mentioned about greater flamingos.

and i tried searching for them in the photo. little did i realised, the tiny spots around the lake were the flamingos themselves! THERE WERE SO MANY!!!

but something struck in my heart immediately. something about there are so many of us out there, so so many. each one of us may appear more or less the same, in terms of physical aspects, or even life stage. YET, He knows each and every one of us by name. He knows each one of us as an unique individual....i m thoroughly amazed.

www.yannarthusbertrand.org. By Yann Arthus Bertrand- "Earth From Above".

ok..before i leave, hope this clip entertains many!!
http://www.syfc.org.sg/christmas05/hokkien.htm

nights world. :)

i know its a little..dusty right here. hahahs! time to do something about it huh. hahahas

well. i dont know why. physically i am just so drained day everyday.

but guess what? i am feeling so excited within me during this season.

this excitement and joy i cant contain within me. wow.

i m someone who is not really very capable of expressing my emotions, my thoughts, my feelings very well outwardly, u can be sure of that.

i really love this season. i really love christmas periods.

its a very fuzzy feeling. a very meaningful period.

and here to YOU! hahhahahas!

i always give thanks to the Lord for u. always.

and even though u made urself v clear each time, i m still busked in hope, faith and excitement for u. i dont know why. :)

we'll see. no matter how long it may take. we'll see.

;)

reality finally set in today.

i felt the tweeny weeny bit of me saying 'o Lord, i simply don't have enough time to do Your Work! u will understand my situation, isn't it??'

and the next moment, the Holy Spirit stirred within me a really uneasy feeling.

What a really bad EXCUSE u've got, mx.

Indeed, its of no new news that clinicals can almost drive u to a max point of madness most of the times, leaving u with a life thats wake up, clinicals, either back to school library to look up journals, if not, back home at night to plan ur treatment plans for ur patients (which is wee hrs by then), sleep (or should i say just simply lying down..). and then, up u go again, wake up, clinicals......the vicious cycle goes on.

and it will go on n on for the next one month.

supposedly.

but somehow, within me, i felt a nudge of challenge.

a challenge to break out of this vicious cycle of routine. and for the past 2 days, i m really being thrown into such challenges.

i could hardly move my brain at 5.30pm sharp, where i have to attend resource meeting on mon night and led CG ytd night.

but guess what? The Lord really refreshes when you realign ur life with Him as the centre. :)

negativity do seep in at times. they try to steal my joy, my excitement, my rest in Him from me. it plants disappointments and fears in me as well.

BUT, i am STRUCK BUT NOT DOWN. amen?

i will thrive! by His grace, i will truly enjoy this season, of clinicals, and of course, this magnificent harvest!

17"Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men."- Mark 1:17

i can see the long journey ahead.

i can imagine the fatigue.

w many responsibilities, Lord, help me not to compromise ur work, ur burden.

By ur grace, i shall lift Your Name even higher.

For when i am weak, you are strong.

amen.

will be off for clinicals tmr!

woooo..mixed feelings. i m all excited, but on the other hand, i m feeling jittery about it.
its a different kind of attachment from the previous two. this time round, i have my own clients/patients. to perform assessments competently, and to come up with treatment plans. its sooooooooo into it. please pray hard ppl. that the lives in my hands...will stay remain very much alive after my therapy. hahahhahas!

posted to tan tock seng rehab centre. i guess no one can kind of identify with the tiny smile within my heart. cos God is good. :) during the period when the sch was searching for placement centres for us, i never stop praying for a centre that's near to school and ministry house to cut down on travelling time during this season. this season is important, and distance really matters a lot to me.. i did not want distance and time to be factors of me not being able to be physically there for ministry!

So..3 cheers to God's faithfulness!! He always answer our prayers when our motives are aligned according to His will. he gave me a placement tt's almost within walking distance to school..and a mrt stop away from min house! How blessed can i be!

Give thanks!

and i want to give thanks to peeps like pris, jo, shu and the rest who remembered and encouraged me before i go for my clinicals tmr. wow..thanks for remembering it, even tho attachment is like a small issue but u guys remembered. i m touched. :)

and also, i want to give thanks..to my great team in nyp4. ever-ready armour bearers. really. lets keep going together. i m all charged up to see breakthroughs in each of our lives.

i want to give thanks! for the ministry i m serving in- Hope Resource! in fact, i think i have failed to give thanks for it since the day i served there! how could i. through serving in that ministry, i find joy in listening to the praise and worship, browsing thru the books for freeeee (hahahha!) and even greater joy in serving others. will be working with shuyi for the publicity and deco for upcoming annual appreciation night. And i m thankful that even through Resource, i am always given opportunities to extend my interest and perhaps, gifting of worksmanship. thanks to all who create opportunities for me to grow.

and also, m ever thankful for friends in all aspects of my life. poncard khakis- tho we dont get to spend much time tog, but really, u guys made sch very much bearable and alive for me! thanks. :). huimei, my shep and all leaders who have poured out all for our growth.

so much more. like xuan, thanks for the constant encouragement and little blessings tho' we r serving in different units. a great bud in Christ, together with sher and the rest. u guys light up my life ever since i came to know Him. :)

and even ex shep junting! who remembered me even tho she's in aust. passed me a shirt thru jason who was in melbourne for his short study trip. i always give thanks for her life. she really invested her all in me. thanks shep.

i think the thanksgiving spirit was spark off by watching star awards earlier on! hahas. funnily, but yes, the Holy Spirit gently reminded me, :have i gave thanks for everything that He has given me, by grace, so far?

the thanksgiving in my heart will keep on keeping on. yes. it will keep on keeping on.

i want to give thanks every single second, day or night, good or bad.

i want to give thanks to u Lord. for You are good.

Praise the LORD.
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
- Psalms 106

should be off to rest in a moment. had a long day, but was a really fruitful one.

i declare today 'Meet-the-sheep Day', as i met yuhan in the morn at novena before we walked to tan tock seng, and then hannah at her workplace in mos in the evening, and finally deb at night, where we walked around Bugis street. :)

3 different people, 3 different personalities. with me, that makes it 4.

but the cool thing is...., we are serving with 1 vision for 1 purpose.

and thats what makes 1 team. :)

just read Pastor Ben's Blog entries. something hit me.

He travels so often, just like many businessmen and air stewardess, or even avid travellers.

but the difference?

He's on trips to support and encourage overseas missions team!!

and as others count money on business trips, he counts sheep. :)

that's what life's about. it's about lives.

am now in e-plaza.

was the last place that i will imagine seeing u know....

chipmunk.

hahas.

oh wells. did my best to sit at a not-so-obvious side seat.

but still, was discovered, cos shu-jun n elain came over and said hi!

and soon, he got his way to my table too.

think he was dealing with some after-japan trip debrief with the students.

just read a passage. i want to remember it. so i ll put it here.

Deuteronomy 11
Love and Obey the LORD

1 Love the LORD your God and keep his requirements, his decrees, his laws and his commands always. 2 Remember today that your children were not the ones who saw and experienced the discipline of the LORD your God: his majesty, his mighty hand, his outstretched arm; 3 the signs he performed and the things he did in the heart of Egypt, both to Pharaoh king of Egypt and to his whole country; 4 what he did to the Egyptian army, to its horses and chariots, how he overwhelmed them with the waters of the Red Sea [a] as they were pursuing you, and how the LORD brought lasting ruin on them. 5 It was not your children who saw what he did for you in the desert until you arrived at this place, 6 and what he did to Dathan and Abiram, sons of Eliab the Reubenite, when the earth opened its mouth right in the middle of all Israel and swallowed them up with their households, their tents and every living thing that belonged to them. 7 But it was your own eyes that saw all these great things the LORD has done.

8 Observe therefore all the commands I am giving you today, so that you may have the strength to go in and take over the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, 9 and so that you may live long in the land that the LORD swore to your forefathers to give to them and their descendants, a land flowing with milk and honey. 10 The land you are entering to take over is not like the land of Egypt, from which you have come, where you planted your seed and irrigated it by foot as in a vegetable garden. 11 But the land you are crossing the Jordan to take possession of is a land of mountains and valleys that drinks rain from heaven. 12 It is a land the LORD your God cares for; the eyes of the LORD your God are continually on it from the beginning of the year to its end.

13 So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today—to love the LORD your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul- 14 then I will send rain on your land in its season, both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and oil. 15 I will provide grass in the fields for your cattle, and you will eat and be satisfied.
16 Be careful, or you will be enticed to turn away and worship other gods and bow down to them. 17 Then the LORD's anger will burn against you, and he will shut the heavens so that it will not rain and the ground will yield no produce, and you will soon perish from the good land the LORD is giving you. 18 Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 19 Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 20 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, 21 so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the LORD swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.

22 If you carefully observe all these commands I am giving you to follow—to love the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways and to hold fast to him- 23 then the LORD will drive out all these nations before you, and you will dispossess nations larger and stronger than you. 24 Every place where you set your foot will be yours : Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the Euphrates River to the western sea. [b] 25 No man will be able to stand against you. The LORD your God, as he promised you, will put the terror and fear of you on the whole land, wherever you go.

26 See, I am setting before you today a blessing and a curse- 27 the blessing if you obey the commands of the LORD your God that I am giving you today; 28 the curse if you disobey the commands of the LORD your God and turn from the way that I command you today by following other gods, which you have not known. 29 When the LORD your God has brought you into the land you are entering to possess, you are to proclaim on Mount Gerizim the blessings, and on Mount Ebal the curses. 30 As you know, these mountains are across the Jordan, west of the road, [c] toward the setting sun, near the great trees of Moreh, in the territory of those Canaanites living in the Arabah in the vicinity of Gilgal. 31 You are about to cross the Jordan to enter and take possession of the land the LORD your God is giving you. When you have taken it over and are living there, 32 be sure that you obey all the decrees and laws I am setting before you today.

HE's the Alpha and Omega.

listening to Hillsong Kids Worship- Trust in the Lord.

Yuhan just sent it to me. a simple song. yet so so powerful.

the lyrics stirred a lot within me.

"Trust, trust in the Lord, and lean not on your own understanding.."

i love Jesus. Cos He always works in special ways.

wow. its going to be an exciting season ahead. i'm sure of it. i can smell it already.

:)