shows 12.04am on laptop.

so it's 2.04am already. and i can't seem to fall asleep.

after shower, as i came back to the room and started packing my table briefly whilst i dried my hair, saw purpose-driven life book at the back of my laptop.

took it and fast-flip through it. read this book 2 years ago, when i was working for ACTS bookstore. but somehow, i think i didn't put in much heart into reading it, cos i can't really remember the contents now.

so, back to flipping again, a title kinda caught my attention.

it was What matters most.

so sort of put down everything at hand, and read through the verses below the title. i didn't want to read through the contents, cos ll want to leave till the actual day itself to read it when the campaign starts. yeah, pretty anal about such stuff. hahas.

one of the verses was on 2 john 1:6, new century version. checked out NIV's, and it gave me some fresh perspective about the whole idea of Love.

thinking back, whenever anyone talks about love, its always common to share about John 3:16, and probably, we hear much about Corinthians.

"And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love."
- 2 john 1:6.

not quite sure if this equation is right, but this verse seems to suggest to me that walking in love=walking in obedience with the Lord. it was a pretty fresh idea to me, as i have never associated obedience with the idea of love so much at all in my christian walk so far .

but true enough, i think this verse does speak of, to love one another, we are to walk in obedience in Christ. only obedience can bring about an unconditional and a pure love. without which, all love is out of human efforts.

i really suppose, this love will feel so right; one that is not tainted with impurities of sin, regrets or shame, but one that is pleasing, sweet and eternal, cos the heart has haboured and honoured obedience unto Him.

so, a gd reminder. though it may be hard sometimes, walking in obedience exudes love. (:

had a good time today. :) got our printer, and got to visit baby rhema and her family.

and lunch was viet food at Footscray with housemates and Logan. dinner was home-cooked food by Eric's mum. it was really a nice time having some fellowship together over dinner, and watching baby rhema.

seeing Atom feeding Rhema has probably pricked some maternal instincts in everyone. babies are really wonderful gifts from God to the household. :)

and was quite nice to hear about the meaning of Rhema's chinese name from her grandma. unique. "Cong Mi". it means wisdom and joy. :)

really enjoyed the day. makes me feel so back at home. the journey back home was rather nice too. saw a big moon admist the fast moving clouds. not quite sure if it's full moon. but nevertheless, nice. :)

thank the Lord for always sending people, things, or even nature to be blessings.

tmr's cg is sports at La Trobe. :) look forward!

anw, was listening to the christian FM 89.9 yesterday in the library, and heard this song. and today, the song rang in my head, and i thought i may get to hear it again, so i plugged in my earphones, and true enough, it played this christian pop while i was on the bus to city. pretty moved by the story in the song. the lyrics are really kind of sweet, and meaningful. :)

to listen:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=41810611

Walking Her Home- Mark Schultz
Looking back
He sees it all
It was her first date
the night he came to call

Her dad said,
"Son, have her home on time.
And promise me
you'll never leave her side."

He took her to a show in town
And he was ten feet off the ground

He was walking her home
holding her hand
Oh the way she smiled
it stole the breath right out of him

Down that old road
with the stars up above
He remembers where he was
the night he fell in love
He was walking her home

Ten more years and a waiting room
and half past one
and the doctor said
"Come in, and meet your son."

His knees went weak,
when he saw his wife
She was smiling as she said
"He's got your eyes."

As she slept he held her tight
His mind went back to that first night

He was walking her home
holding her hand
Oh the way she smiled
it stole the breath right out of him

Down that old road
with the stars up above
He remembers where he was
the night he fell in love
He was walking her home..

He walked her through
the best days of her life
Sixty years together
and he never left her side

A nursing home
At eighty five
And the doctor said
"It could be her last night."

And the nurse said
"Oh, should we tell him now
Or should he wait until
the morning to find out?"

But when they checked
her room that night
He was laying by her side

He was walking her home
holding her hand
Oh the way she smiled
when he said "This is not the end."

Just for a while
They were eighteen
And she was still more beautiful
to him than anything
He was walking her home

He was walking her home

Looking back
He sees it all
It was her first date
the night he came to call...

was reading hongteck's blog, where i came across a familiar photo, which i recalled seeing 10 over years ago. i remembered doing a simple show-and-tell on that newspaper article when i was in Primary 2 or 3.


it was the photograph that epitomized Sudan's famine. and Kevin Carter received the prestigious Pulitzer Prize for this shot.

so googled his name and read his story online, on how he went from fame, to suicide in 2 months. read his life story as well, and from the article, it wrote that Carter's suicide note went something like this, :

"The pain of life overrides the joy to the point that joy does not exist."

and yeah, maybe tlp was right. she said i was looking bothered as i went out of room to the kitchen to make some ginger tea before i carry on reading about Carter's life story. prolly cos this sentence that he wrote in his note just keeps on ringing in my head.

i am trying to imagine myself as Carter, to figure out, exactly how much "pain" he went through..that it hurts so much, that he chose death to escape the hurts of the world.

i can't really seem to understand why he held the pain so tightly. but of course, i knew his life must have been hurting so much, that he can't wait to let it go. losing best friend, failed relationships, witnessing multiple deaths and executions, saw the impact of famine. i bet he must be thinking where is God in all these happenings.

came to a point where i figured that, probably is really about hope in, trust in and probably even, obedience to the Lord. am not quite sure thou, but prolly the loss of hope, is the reason why Carter decided to end it there and then?

sleepy. shall sleep on it for now.

and it feels really nice to listen to chinese songs after so long. :))

washing machine tumbling our laundry now.

went preston market with suet this morn, and joined char and co. for some pizza lunch. realised that doing veggies shopping wasn't that an easy chore for us.

purchasing non-perishables are still our forte. hahas. like tissue boxes. nothing can go too wrong with that.

and our landlord finally gave our fridge a change. now there's a new and COLD fridge. yay. fresh food from now.

also trying to grasp the art of sorting out the clothing pieces- i.e which piece will colour-run, which won't. which clothing the wooley wooley bits will fall out, which won't. and the tags at the clothes of washing instructions aren't helpful all the time. hahas.

cooking's fine so far. trials and errors. so far, satisfied with our home-cooked food. i'm sure after one year, we will all be fantastic cooks. :) all things start from small. hahas. :))

laptop's showing singapore time 4.38pm. in an hour or so, they will have their uni evangelistic service! heard that X2 is tapping on the service and going for 130 people today! wow! praying for it to come to passss!

cooking time!

(and suet just said she thinks we have bought the wrong tofu for our dish. the silkened tofu we bought is meant for desserts, not to fry with others. hurhur. )

my spiritual fam. :) and more phots awaits.

5.35am.

on cold floor.

but all warm within.

internet's finally up for me! it really feels great to be able to connect with everyone once more over the net! missing all of you! (: glad to hear from all of you! and thanks for all the encouragement!

and thanks to eil for his cd which is keeping me company now! matt redman's Facedown. the praise and worship songs really renewed me!

blessings! and i thank God for each and every blessings in my life. in big, obvious ways, and in small little ways. (: from great peeps in church to this internet connection which wouldnt work for me in the entire afternoon, which amazingly worked immediately after prayers a while ago

though sometimes, the thoughts of running back to comfort zone feels pretty real, but i am really thankful for the help of people around who have made me feel comfortable and at home. (:

anw, to my darlings in singapore:
missin' the summery sun in sing! nevertheless, thank you for all your prayers and lovely encouragement letters/photos/smses that warms me up in the freezing cold! you guys hv been great, and i know that you will be greater when i see you all again! (: Acts 2 generation!

to the great peeps in melbs (which i don't think any of them will be reading this thou', hahas):
have been deeply blessed by all of you. the presence and all kinds of support has definitely helped me to assimilate faster, and comfortably. and to the bros and sisters, its great to be serving with passionate Christ-lovers like all of you. really compels and motivates me to give my best in this race too. really. (:

anw, the verses in Rom 5 shared during small group this week were really apt. it made much sense to me along the way, helping me to appreciate the verses even more.

Peace and Joy
"1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a]have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God..........5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

40 days purpose driven life: ready? :))

showered.

refreshed. the weather's humid beyond description.

showering's always a good time to sing songs, and reflect in the most casual manner possible.

discipline.

to see beyond.

to be prayerful.

to give.

to embrace flaws, to affirm about strengths.

to be a good listener.

thought about it. some things don't need an immediate answer. or rather, it shouldnt have immediate answers.

let it grow.

what's going through your mind

proud of you woman! :))

http://www.straitstimes.com/Free/Story/STIStory_133895.html

last friday was graduate's dinner at Mariner's Corner. :)) and was thoroughly surprised to bump into vincent who was working there, and fel who helped out at the restaurant that day!

all in all, was once again a good time catching up with the folks. and taking more photos.

thanks ce ce for the phots!

cheers to the OTties! :))

was talking to reg online just now.

i am really very thankful to Him for everything that i have now in my life.

sometimes, it's really difficult to put down some baggages that were packed previously. i didnt really realise i was carrying them till reg highlighted them to me.

i thank God He found me. and i am able to put them down today, and give thanks with a grateful heart that, with Him, the yoke is easy, the burden is light.

love you Lord. thanks for looking after me.

past week was eventful. and was greatly touched by God's blessings in a lot of areas of my life! prayers answered! :))

evo was really homely too. i love the people. i enjoyed the planning process with mei and leslie as well. i really believe that as the people unite tog, we will experience breakthroughs tog!

RP,DI, NYP! Let's serve the Lord tog with one heart one vision! :)

though physically i wont be with this new combination, i am really excited to hear great news fr everyone! growth will definitely take place!

:)

went down to church office to collect the cheque and passed some stuff to june. june was really nice. hahas. gave me practical tips, and some handy advice on packing for my trip.

headed to vivo thereafter. eclectic group. meihwa, DI-ians, yuhui, eil, sam, kok how. nevertheless, was gd fellowship. surf's up cute! dinner was simple yet sumptous. gloria jean's was great. taking photos under the moonlight was good memory.

i want to take many many many photos of everyone to bring with me!

evo- pic with the girls!

lead me dear Lord, as i venture down under.

water bapt may 2007.

seeing this pict made me smile.

i don't know why, but it made me smile. i feel the vibes of spiritual family.

so blessed.

20 days.

and possibly, as in just a possibility, the next time i get around to see everyone will be 365+20.

tt's quite a bit.

i really wonder, how it will all be like a year later, y'know?

showered, and intended to rest earlier tonight after i reach home.

however, as i was waiting for my hair to dry, i was reading juli's blog. and she had this link to this couple's blog.

http://ashleyisourangel.blogspot.com/

as the lullaby played on, i can't help but teared. the thing is, i don't know them even.

but yeah. i was really touched by how they chose to trust God in everything. every single thing, despite losing 3 children thus far.

sometimes, in such situations that demands your faith and trust in God, one can't help but scream within their hearts..where is God in the picture?

but this couple is amazing..
"However in life, there are many things about tomorrow we don’t seem to understand but we know who holds tomorrow and we know who holds our hands."

"But God does not want us to grieve as ‘people who have no hope’ (1 Thess 4:13). Even as we grieve, God tell us the truth about where our babies have gone. They’ve been dismissed from the hospital called Earth. You and I still roam the halls, smell the medicines and eat coalescent food off plastic trays. They, meanwhile, enjoy picnics, inhale springtime and run-through knee-high flowers. We miss Ashley like crazy but we can’t deny the truth that she’s freed from all pain and struggles and tubes and incubator. She’s really happier in Heaven, in the company of all other child-angels like herself."

:)

anyway, on a lighter note, today was spent with joel, ace, huimei, liyan meeting Ps marcus, his wife stephanie and baby sonika! they came from hope germany to singapore for learning.

had some good time w stephanie, and i thoroughly enjoyed the company of this family. germans are really forthright people! :))

learnt a lot, and one thing that i have came to understand about germany is that, though many are Christians by name, they may not acknowledge that Jesus is the Messiah, and does not really have a personal relationship with God. and basically, many are passive by nature. that made sharing the truth a whole lot challenging.

baby sonika was a true joy to the family! and a "natural evangelist". a tough young lady! although the weather was really hot for her, she did not cry a bit. although she fell real hard on the floor, she just struggled to climb up and then, go running all over again! she can be sitting in the pram, waving and smiling at passer-bys. hahahas. you will have instant connection with her!

and i really love how stephanie beamed and exclaimed that she believed God made her baby this way for a greattt purpose. :))

Hoffnung Berlin = Hope Berlin.

here's Hope Germany's webbie! hahas. that is, if you understand german! :)) http://www.hoffnungberlin.de/

fruitful day. helped out in deco too. through these 2 days, i have also realised how committed the brothers and sisters are in doing a work of excellence for Jesus week in and week out. how they really practised on the instruments (for the band), the lightings and sound (MM peeps), the singers for p and w, the programmer (ensuring all things click tog), the deco team, dance team, video programmers etc etc, all for one service!

wow. spirit of excellence.

Expect "Unexpected Valentine" tomorrow for service! :))

today was church office day! :))

went down with leslie and liyan for tape listening.

i really learnt A LOTTT.

when my brain is not as zonked out as now, i ll post up my reflections.

lunched out with the duo and jasmine hahas. jas had her usual dose of giam cai.

had a gd time of fellowship. as we were sharing over lunch, i really can't help but give thanks for our family, Hope.

i love the church, the people.

and i am deeply blessed, that almost wherever we go, there's a Hope family for us. like when i went to Penang. like when i am going to Melb. it's amazing. :)

i thank God for the global minded people, who have decided to plant churches in the different cities, with one vision of building strong and biblical churches in their local land and all over the world.

one God, one vision, one mission.

Matthew 28.

learnt a lot from CLM ytd.

i pray that i will have a heart big for people. i pray that i will be a willing vessel to be used in any way by Him. i pray, that i will be sensitive to His calling. i pray that i will be obedient, and sacrificial to be upward and outward looking.

i can start by praying for the land that i am stepping foot on.

marche-d with nemo, ace and yuyu aft hope resources meeting today. totally great time, except for the part where we were trying hard to stuff the many different types of meat down. man, we are no vege people. no one bought veges! hahas.

i want to love Him, more than anything, and anyone else.

soul desire, sole desire.

although it wrenches my heart many times, i know that i will never go wrong when i follow His lead. i want to be obedient, i want to do the right thing. i am giving my best, and all that i've got. i've got to admit, i have an emotional streak in me. i still can't bear to go.
but, it all seems to me, i should just let go, and go.

Psalm 118:1 : Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.

spent good time with class peeps yesterday at Aspire cafe. i really didn't know it was THAT near church office!

the turn up was almost complete and we had the place to ourselves. i loved the fact that we are to write on the cards to affirm and encourage everyone! thanks for the effort that Sil and team put in for the nicely made cards!

i love OT0402. like what rui said, she had the privilege of naming it the "Legendary" when she was the yr 1 class rep. indeed, i am proud that we lived up to it. :))

i pray that as this journey goes, we will still be connected in one way or another. Be it as a clinician, or in some other profession, i hope our paths will still cross somehow.

it's graduation again. counting my kindergarten's, it's the fifth in my lifetime already. :)

but somehow, it's really through these past 3 years, that i felt i studied about "life", and not books.

anyway, spent the night at suet's. with steph and elisa. suet's hse is just BEHIND church office. hurhur. no wonder she knows Hope, even before i mention it. hahas.

this girl's with me to church in melb! wheeeeeee!

off to nexus!

the Legendary.

certain things, i still can't let go.
but i believe in Him, i am an overcomer. :)

i ll miss corrinne may's concert. its in aug. do get ur tix. :)) she's great.

anw, i thought the previous personality post thingy described me rather aptly.

--------------------------

what a mel night. ha.

to sum up my thoughts-

Untitled.

I really dont know how to start

there's really plenty on my heart.

knowing my future's in His hands

dreams, hopes and plans.

Fear fled,

joy sets.

i began to ask Him

where does this whole journey goes

sometimes, i feel that i often stepped into the unknown,

the matters of mind, and sometimes the heart.

i plead to the Spirit

to reveal His ways to me.

i tried to dicepher

and found answers through print.

But i realise, no amount of acquired knowledge

can ever satisfy the quest

until you sit by His feet,

and listen to His soft voice, in peace.

'My child, stand by me.

Haven't you experienced my heartbeat?

Trust in me, and lean not on thy own understanding,

and imitate Christ's humility.

In all things, I am with you.

As you remain in Me..'

-mx 050607

random: glad to hear your voice.

You Have A Type B+ Personality

You're a pro at going with the flow You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer A total joy to be around, people crave your stability. While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity. Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done You're passionate - just selective about your passions

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

heartbeat. in a summary.

• its pretty surreal, that i have approximately 40 days left with my loved ones before i poof off for a year. heart: feels funny.
• missions conference yesterday was powerful. serving Jesus is really a privilege. heart: touched.
• i desire to develop a missions heartbeat. it always starts from somewhere. let now be the somewhere. heart: impacted, greatly.
• i din sleep a wink last night, though i retire to bed at 10.30pm, and tried to shut my eyes. heart: avoidance.
• i cried, for a friend. heart: burdened.
• i prayed, for the friend. heart: uplifted, and assured.
• i cried, about 1 thing that has been weighing me down. heart: confused.
• i prayed, and in worship. heart: peace.

i realised that as i grow up, my heart has undergone various heart conditions over the years.

just like biologically, heart is a muscle, it strengthens when you exercise and work it correctly; i feel that my heart has had a good workout for the past 5 years.

it has strengthened, in love, in burden, in warmth, in sensitivity, in passion.

not by my own works, but by partnering with the Holy Spirit, every minute and second.

heart-to-hearts. His to ours.