wow. i m still up. i cant believe it.

i was GROSSLY tired physically in the morning. i reckon i slept more during exam period than this.

but its a really gd feeling, to be awake, n serving Him. i think what i've learnt ytd made a lot sense to me today.

some words just simply jump out to me ytd. very very much. some were slaps in my face..literally shouting to me that i really need to humble myself. u r FAR fr there mx.

CLC2 spoke to me a lot. sam and nel took turns to teach. it was a very vivid clc class. really. cos i tot it really spoke to me in a very personal manner.

some words were the exact ones i tot thru on fri night. thoughts that i can't seem to figure out a right answer..thoughts there were confusing..

Assumptions..Expectations..What makes a great leader? Living for people's approval? Hard work...Lead by example..

perhaps, by nature, i m someone with not much of affect. i don't express my emotions as easily..but without a doubt, i was deeply moved by the sharing in clc. cos it inspired me at a very very..very very personal manner within.

n i think no amount of 'very's can do enough justice to how much the lesson spoke to me.

to minister, is to serve. to play on God's team means serving people before self.

to Love Him, is to love others. its a very simple concept!

just finished chatting w ant online. the entire conversation was like WOW. first time we r talking abt God's business.

i find it hard to convey serious messages to him. ever since JC. it was almost mission impossible.

n a while ago, he msged me. and tt my nick made a lot of sense to him.


..::F o c u s ::.. says:
yeah can say so
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
hols fr tmr onwards
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
3 wks before i go for clinicals
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
haha so good
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
enjoy lar
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
hmmm ur nick is quite true manz
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
hahas
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
why?
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
ur nick is MEssy
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
AHAHAH

and the conversation got on a bit more..and eventually he shared this..


Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
hahhaa
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
haha i tink i say liaoz will sound very strange 2 u ahahha
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
why?
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
hahaha cos i tink it will be funny lar
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
no lar...i tink these few months or even the past year since in UK, i tink i started 2 worry a lot n alot more than usual
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
and i hate it manz

and the sharing continued. n it went on to..

..::F o c u s ::.. says:
changes r good la
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
no change no growth ma
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
yeah w/o change there will be no growth rite
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
YA
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
AHAHas
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
ahahaha...same thing!
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
amen
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
maybe God wan change me lar
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
i tink instead of hating it...i shld learn 2 accept it?
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
yeps, n not jus accepting..but embrace it
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
can one la
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
small case
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
u have seen bigger things before isnt it
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
hahaas
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
it jus that its a v foreign feeling
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
no leh....tis one of the 1st time i like tis
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
n u dislike it.
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
yea yea!
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
its like, my emotional skills sux one lar
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
HAHA
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
yeah....but i duno how 2 embrace it
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
HAHA true wat
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i think it tks time ba..
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
ask God what is He trying to speak in these circumstances
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
its like....i tink 2 myself, "I worry much more now. I accept it"
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
But when i worry, I duno how 2 deal with it
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
hmmm true

and to this..

..::F o c u s ::.. says:
actually i always see u as someone who has a v smooth sailing life
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
someone who is v contented
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
in JC
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
yea i was very
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i tot that was good
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
really...i was happy n myself lar
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
HAHAHS
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
yeah but duno y now like that
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
u noe wat is so strange??!?!
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
n i yearned for tt sometimes also
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
Hmm?
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
wad?
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
cos in JC, I never reallie was a serious Christian, a carnal one....just say prayer here and there and just live life unaffected
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
then i was happy manz
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
but when I really started become a 'real' Christian
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
then things are not as 'good' as b4 lehz....
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
isn't it supposed 2 be better? i mean after u really commit urself
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
haha just a thot lar
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
HAhas.
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
yea i tink i wan 2 be like the JC days
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
really happy haha
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i have tot that tot many many zillion times in JC
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
isit
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
really
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
haha
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
then?
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
really
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
ask shera
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
if u know me
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
my past n everything
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i was v disappointed w God many times in JC
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
very
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
cos i tot He failed me a lot of times
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i was doing so so well when i was a Non-believer
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i excelled in everything i do
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
without even putting much effort
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
isit....haha, then now u found the answer>
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
in every single thing
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
froms studies to CCAs
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i felt so 'glorified'
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
but after knowing Him
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i faced so much struggles that i was doubting Him
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
yea y ar....
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i was thinking its complete madness
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
i tink God's happiness is different from our happiness
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
knowing Him is going thru such struggles?
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
yeahh..
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
but strangely
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
God really sustains me..
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
as i look back now
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i know God was moulding me
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
n pruning me.
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
if not for the hard times, will i be resilient at all?
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
i really doubt so.
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
true....hai ll
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
kk
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
smooth seas dont make skilful sailors
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
HAHAHS
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
yea i tink He is froming me into wat He wans me 2 be lar
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
amen
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
kk thks alot k
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
pass the test
Ant - Messy....I dun wan tis anymore! says:
haha pray for me
..::F o c u s ::.. says:
sure :)

i was surprised. pleasantly surprised too. that its anthony, without a doubt! i felt that wow. it was a conversation impossible 2 yrs ago.

but hey. God is an amazing and humourous God. He changes people. :)

i m so assured of God's plans for you Ant. keep going. :)

right now, i m overwhelmed by thanksgiving within my heart! i thank Him for this great family. really.

its such an ironic, but deep love.

wow. i am CONSUMED.

today is a special day. where different people touched my heart in their special manner.

xuan called fr brisbane! to update and also to wish me a reaaaaaaaalllll belated birthday wish. nonetheless, that was thoughtful bro. although my heart was bleeding when YOU CALLED MY HANDPHONE, i appreciated it sooooooooo much for ur effort! u will be in time for kopitiam xmas! ;)

n deb. its such warmth to know that i m running this race w u. keep going. :)

and as i slumped onto bed just now to read my book..one of cm's songs caught my attention tonight. and it jus speaks exactly how i feeel towards these bunch of peeps.

my angels in disguise indeed. :) i m blessed.


A N G E L I N D I S G U I S E
Written by Corrinne May Ying Foo
Copyright 2003, Corrmay Gourmet Music (ASCAP)

I woke up this morning feeling kind of blue
and I stumbled out of bed and dragged my feet across the room
Right outside my front door was a rose and a note that said
'Somebody Loves You'

But out on the street it starts to pour and
before I get soaking wet,
A total stranger runs to give me the jacket off his back
I turn around to thank him
But he waves me with a smile

I can hardly believe my eyes
He puts on a halo and starts to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look at Paradise
You could be next to an angel in disguise

I met a good friend for lunch
and we had a delicious meal
But I forgot to bring my wallet
I felt like an imbecile
But she was sweet, she gave me a treat
and Bought me a chicken sandwich
To take home for tea

But out on the street with nothing to eat
A man and his shopping cart go
Travelling to places,Collecting social graces
I give him my sandwich and we chatter for a while
I see a rainbow wash over his eyes
He gives me his halo and I start to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for Paradise
You could be next to an angel in disguise

Don't try to hide away from me
I know you're by my side

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for Paradise
You could be next to an angel in disguise

Everyday can be legendary
Every minute, an endless surprise
You could be the next angel in disguise

I woke up this morning
Feeling kind of new...